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Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Adventures of Astro Boy

I'm supposed to go out to lunch with Astro. He, in all of his 6'8" splendor, will be taking wee little me out to lunch.

I'm 5'2" and intend to wear flats.

Hey D how are you? This is Astro who you met at the Partaaay last Saturday. I really enjoyed getting to meet you and I am really looking forward to lunch on Thurs at 1120. It is such a prviledge to have met someone as sweet and cute as you!

Hold on, where's my barf bag? Seatbelt on? This is quite a takeoff with Astro! I should save it. I should compare it to other text messages I have gotten. He has an Iphone and he knows how to use it. I've never seen anyone type so fast on it. Bass has an iphone and he found it was abysmally slow compared to his Blackberry. I realllllly want a full QWERTY layout on my next phone. Bass characterized it perfectly. I'm like typing 32 words a minute on this and you're like.. yes. I laughed so hard.

Why am I not so taken with Astro? Let me count the ways...

He didn't CALL me to confirm, he TEXTED me! That's a first. It's impersonal. It's like he's racking up his scores or something. Did he text other girls for lunch...
D on Thurs.
V on Fri
J on Sat
C on Sun

All in a day's playing...

I heard a snippet of a conversation where he said something about trying to meet 5 women a day and getting their contact information.
Savvy: Can I have your contact information?
Astro: Sure.
Savvy: Wait, how do I know if I want it??

As I was leaving the party, I saw Astro getting another girl's phone number. How many phone numbers did he get? It makes my lunch seem less special.

I heard snippets of a slightly innapropriate sexually charged conversation between him and an older woman who then texted him You are yummy. Gross!

Lastly, alas, my poore hearte!! I just don't want to put my heart on the line again. I am too hurt to care. My heart has deep Bass wounds right now, a little lashing from Bill, plus a few scars from my ex, C.

But I am going to go to lunch with Astro anyway. I need to at least try to move on from Bass right now. After all, he didn't have a problem dumping me for that Canadian chick.

I haven't texted him back yet. Ack. I really can't deal. He probably thinks he's playing me, but honestly I don't care at all. I was kind of hoping he didn't really save my number. I didn't have his, so I had no way to contact him. The problem is, guys sometimes like a challenge.

I can always text him this message:
Let's save some trbl. Instead of a d8, pls send a check for $50. I can buy a sweater.

If nothing else, it's blog fodder.


single/certain said...

srsly, grrl! dnt w8st ur time on him!!!

he kinda sounds like a tool. you could do better, i think...

Tairebabs said...

Oh my gosh, I really enjoyed this write up. My favourite part " Did he text other girls for lunch...
D on Thurs.
V on Fri
J on Sat
C on Sun

Am still laughing here!!!

SavvyD said...

Hey, SC, u thot my ex bf was a douche. I've moved up in the world if I d8 a TOOL!! I think u said Bass was a tool, too. At least I have my guard up for the BS.

single/certain said...

o yah, tru dat.
well, yeah, keep your guard up... let us know how it goes...