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Sunday, March 16, 2008

Books Nice Girls Shouldn't Read

There are lots of Christian dating books out there. Read these books after you've read those. Even with a Christian philosphy in their hearts and minds, Christian guys are still guys. We all know they can be jerks. And Christian girls could learn a little from being a "bitch."

All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise
Why it's good:
It's a freeing philosophy that goes hand in hand with the idea that he's just not that into you until he does something above and beyond to make sure you know he's interested. Until he proves he is trustworthy and involved in your life, keep doing what you do. If doesn't treat you right, move on. Make dating about fun, don't plan a future together. If you don't have fun with him there isn't really a future. Sometimes guys talk about a future and then don't make it happen. Take this at face value. You can't change him. Do your own thing. Don't treat him like he's a jerk, just move on. And REALLY LOOK at his behavior without making excuses for it. Don't communicate with words, communicate with actions. Do what men do when they want to think about things, they become distant, they get busy. Men understand this. She also has tips for staying in control of yourself and your mouth. This is not the first time I've heard this philosophy.

Why it's bad:
This book has the philosophy of sex before marriage as a given. But if you are going to be out there doing it, the author advises you to play it safe and delay being intimate as long as possible. After all, there are alot of jerks out there. But you basically shouldn't be having sex with a guy who is too big of a jerk to make sure you are safe.

Why Men Marry BITCHES:
Why it's good:
Really the title is a misnomer. It's really more about why men marry women who respect themselves. In this book being a bitch just means you have a life, you set boundaries, you don't make a man your only priority and you can take care of yourself. Even Christian men will respond to some of these tactics. It also give responses nice girls can use to put a man in his place if he tries to take things to far. There are, after all, alot of guys, even Christian guys who will try things with you. I really like the side by side comparisons that list a man's behavior, what he is trying to accomplish by it and then gives responses to it. It also compares the difference between when a guy is testing you and when he is disrepecting you.

Why it's bad:
Again, it assumes the same philosophy of having sex before marriage. It does give techniques for handling this well and making better choices about who you will sleep with. I like the page that begins with, "We reserve the right to refuse service if... but still, it not something Christians are supposed to be doing. Yeah, sure I've been THINKING about it. I CONSIDERED it with my ex-boyfriend. But I have to be honest, I'm not seriously considering it right now. Even if my philosophy were different, I would have felt like a fool if I had been intimate with Bass and then not seen him for two weeks.


My personal example:
Bass has just come back from being out of town for a show. He was supposed to get together with me on his way back in. He chose to go home and will be going to visit with his parents and grandmother since his parents decided to randomly drop in. Or did they?? I also know that some of our aquintances are getting together to go to the ballet and have dinner. Could be that he decided to join them. It doesn't matter either way.

Savvy: We've been keeping in touch and that's been great. But I haven't seen you in two weeks. Do you think that's a bit weird?
Bass: No. Alot people don't understand that's how it is with us guys on the road. We might be out for two weeks at a time. Has it really been two weeks?
Savvy: Yes.
Bass: Well, I feel pretty good, so let's see how I feel later especially since you don't have to work tomorrow.
Savvy: You know what, it's all good, I'm actually a little bit grouchy. I'm trying to take it easy on the meds. I'm still in my PJs so I would have had to get ready. I need to practice my music to lead a sectional and I might go to the gym to see how that feels.

Bass: In your PJs? Seriously, you should take your time and relax.

Seriously, I'm a little bit annoyed that he's flaking on me. But I have other things to do. Things might turn around later, but there are two things to look at. In the BITCH book, this is a test. He is trying to see how flexible I am. He wants to know that I'm not going to throw a tantrum or something. According to the JERK theory, this isn't the first time he has flaked on doing something he's talked about. In other words, I shouldn't take him seriously. Maybe we really are just friends.

Is this the same guy who talked all about taking me out, was willing to take a different route just to see me, talked about all the things we could do over spring break and over the summer. Yep, the same guy. He even said about spring break, Good. You can finally spend some time with me.

According to both books, I should take a step back and get busy doing my own thing. If I were to have a long term relationship with him, that's basically what I would have to do anyway. I would have to take into consideration that he might be gone alot, sometimes two weeks at a time. They've gone to Japan and all kinds of crazy stuff. I would still have to have my own life.

Seriously, I should get started on my taxes anyway. I do them myself. Now might be a really good time to get my nails done and treat myself in some way since my neck is cramping up again. Ouch. Was I really thinking about going out? I feel gross.

I texted him to let him know that I had stuff to do this evening and couldn't see him. I was going to practice music and cuddle with an ice pack. I'm going to take care my own stuff. I'm going to treat myself out to dinner and leave my phone at home. Seriously, now that I think of it, I'm glad I'm not going out with him. My neck really hurts and I have a headache.


Anonymous said...

Check out a book "men are from mars, women are from venus" if you have not already. And also, happiness doesnt come from others, but your inner part. Hope you will get better.

D said...

Read that. Obviously it didn't help either. I kind of hate books about dating.