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Monday, February 18, 2008


In the dating world, there are some things you just can't fake. There has to be a real interest in someone beyond attraction to keep up the relationship. This weekend I had an amazing time with a really wonderful guy.

I went bowling on Saturday thinking it woud just be one of those things. Ho hum. Whatever. I know how to have a good time with friends. I don't expect to meet anyone anymore. I was in for a really nice surprize. I thought I was interested in J who is a wine dealer. We flirted mercilessly while bowling. Our conversation was light, breezy, fun and everything that it is supposed to be according to that stupid Rules book. And if it weren't for outside interferrence, it might have gone differently.

Usually it is a complete turnoff to mention any physical or health problems you have, but not this time. I had an ice pack on my shoulder because I have problems with it. Next thing I knew, I was talking to a guy about shoulder injuries because he had one also.

I hurt myself last summer doing too much swimming and I was playing my bass wrong.

Oh, really? Do you make a living playing bass.
(See I was thinking he was a hobbyist or an enthusiast.)

Actually, I do.

Really? That's cool. I teach choir and piano. Tell me about your band.

It turns out he plays bass and sings for one of those bands that has been going since the 1950s. They just replace members as they retire. Wow. I was impressed. We've both been teachers, both performed professionally, and both have Master's Degrees in Music! I have met plenty of guys that were musicians, but the difference is that we were also attracted to each other on top of having alot in common. This is resonance.

I have gone out with alot of guys. I have often wondered what the trick is to relationships. I now believe it is resonance. It explains why a guy can flirt with you, have sex with you and forget you. I don't let them do that, though! Without resonance, there is nothing to keep you interested once the infatuation runs out.

--Physics The increase in amplitude of oscillation of an electric or mechanical system exposed to a periodic force whose frequency is equal or very close to the natural undamped frequency of the system.

--Richness or significance, especially in evoking an association or strong emotion.

--Relationship of mutual understanding or trust and agreement between people, rapport.

Resonance is why it was so hard for me to let go of my exboyfriend. I have felt that so rarely with anyone. There are parts of me that only he understands. But there are parts of me that only Bass can understand since we are both musicians.

I had a wonderful time just talking to him as we spent time together in a group. And then when we were alone, suddenly some of the things that usually matter to me, didn't matter to me. I didn't freak out over his table manners not being perfect. That would be Too Picky. I listened to what he had to say. There were no red flags. It was just fun. He wanted me to be happy. He kept saying, It's your night. Whatever you want to do. Whatever makes you happy. Or some variation of that.

He took me to a jazz festival where his band had performed, so admission was free. That was fun! I got to meet some of the performers. We talked about how much we love music, how much a part of our lives it is, how spiritual it is. We talked about our families, the role of religion in our lives. We slow danced bad shoulder to bad shoulder. No swing dancing for us! We laughed, we sang along with the live band, we danced, he gave me the advice to stand up straight with my shoulders back and chest high.
Don't make me look! But then again, if I were as sexy as you, I'd flaunt it. I laughed. We talked some more and hugged as I sat on his lap.

You look really pretty tonight.


We've got great music, and we've got each other. What more could you want?

A kiss?

That was the first of many kisses. I wasn't even completely turned off when he was offering to let me stay at his place. Of course he said he would sleep on the couch... I don't think that's all he was after. You can't fake resonance. Maybe some people call it "chemistry", but I prefer resonance.

Resonance also has music related definitions:
--Acoustics Intensification and prolongation of sound, especially of a musical tone, produced by sympathetic vibration.
--The quality imparted to voiced speech sounds (or singing)by the action of the resonating chambers of the throat and mouth and nasal cavities.
--Oscillation induced in a physical system when it is affected by another system that is itself oscillating at the right frequency. The soundboards of musical instruments, are designed to resonate with a large range of frequencies produced by the instrument.

1 comment:

D said...

But then again, maybe I was wrong. Maybe he just wanted to sleep with me.