Saturday, February 16, 2008
Closure (He's Mostly Harmless)
Closure can be healing. It can also be an opportunity to tell your ex the things that were bothering you. I feel much better.
I probably would have let it all go if it hadn't been for a friend. I was still hurting that everything seemed so great at one time, but then fell apart so quickly. She asked me, "Did you ask him about that?"
"Umm, well, no."
"Why not ask?"
"I guess I never thought about it. I didn't think he would answer."
I decided to give it a shot. Pun intended since we do plan to go to a shooting range. I can just hear some of you saying not to do it, but seriously, we are going to an indoor range. If he were going to put a bullet in me, he would have done it long ago with no witnesses.
He called me to discuss advantages and disadvantages of shooting indoor vs. outdoor shooting ranges. There's a bunch of stuff I never thought about. I was just scared with some of the recent violence in our schools. As we firmed up our plan, I couldn't contain myself.
I asked how the cruise went. He had a great time. He asked how my commitments went, they went well. I just wish they hadn't had such a high price.
There's something that's been bothering me and I feel like I need some closure on it before we move into being friends. Basically there's no risk involved since our relationship is already over. Why did you work so hard to get me only to let it go?
I ask myself the same question. One of my military buddies called me the Two Week Wonder. I am the master of the short relationship.
You should warn us poor females about this. Actually, I picked up on that and I'm sure you noticed me hesitating. We had alot to talk about before we were intimate and it wasn't happening.
The conversation gets a little blurry in here. I know I told him it wasn't fair of him to pressure me to be intimate with him when he knew he had herpes. It wasn't worth the risk to me for something that wasn't long term. He was saying things that made me uncomfortable like looking at the cruise as a proving ground for the relationship. Prove? I don't have anything to prove. Sex isn't about that for me. You already knew what I was like and that I haven't been with alot of guys. I don't have nothin to prove to nobody by opening my legs.
He asked how my parents were doing since he had met them. They're doing well. Should have told him they were angry at him? Naah.
I was planning on breaking up with you, but my mom talked me out of it.
Oh? What did your dad say about it? He sounded sad.
I didn't ask him. (Gee, what my dad really said was that he didn't like him for leading me on, and liked him even less for pressuring me to have sex and even less for having herpes and doing all of that.)
I was just upset because I had really committed myself to trying to work things out. The only reason why I didn't break up with you sooner is because I care about you and I didn't want to lose you completely.
I'm still friends with a number of my exgirlfriends.
I guess that's because we all figure that a few weeks isn't worth being angry over. The breakup was bound to happen either way. You were being a real jerk and you know it. I've said my peace, so I'll let you off the hook.
But I still want to know--isn't he embarrassed? He introduced me to his friends at work and at church. They had alot of postive things to say about me and about us. At church they wanted me to come sing with them. His friends and roommate said we were a good match. He told them all about me. They thought we acted like we had been together a long time. He proudly told everyone how long we had been dating and they teased me when I couldn't answer, Women always know these things. You mean you don't know! I smiled and said, He's my calendar. At the time I had no idea it was so important to him. Isn't it embarrassing to tell everyone it didn't work out for basically NO GOOD REASON?? He should realize that it hurts to introduce someone around like it's serious and then just drop it. It's unkind.
Seriously, I don't think he did these things maliciously. He's just dumb. I think he really hoped it would work out, despite his track record as the Two Week Wonder.
I don't think he's violent either. Does he have anger management issues? Sure. But INHG (I'm not his girlfriend), so it doesn't really affect me. Does he swear like a sailor? Sure he does! But he works in law enforcement and I've actually heard worse from someone else in law enforcement. Does he need counselling? Absolutely! But again, NMP (not my problem) because INHG (I'm not his girlfriend).
My declaration: He's mostly harmless now.