Due to some catastrophic health events last year (a head/neck/inner ear injury), I stopped going to church. It was pretty severe and I couldn't think straight. Actually, the injury just sealed how I really felt. I quit alot of things, not just church. I am now thinking about going back. But there are alot of issues to consider in going back.
What church is the right church?
I had a church that I really loved in a Big City. There were alot of other singles and it was easy to make friends. They were very welcoming of performers. I also made alot of friends who didn't go to church. I've tried a few churches out here and haven't really felt like I belonged anywhere. In fact, I'm not sure that my personality as a performer/teacher really belongs at church. I seem to be judged as too loud, fun and outrageous to be a good Christian girl.
Being single at church sucks where I am now. Everything is about couples. My ex-boyfriend told me that at church they had a bet on him as to when he would get married. One guy promised him 8000 pennies for when he did. Funny, but a little painful. He's kind of a jerk, but I get the feeling that he genuinely wants to find someone.
It stinks to sit alone in the pew and watch the oblivious couple in front of you. She has her head on his shoulder, he's stroking her back or her arm. You sit there watching that instead of listening to the sermon because you know how good that would feel.
Everyone wants you to read the latest book on dating because it will really help. Help you what? Barf? Last time I was at a singles thing at church, the guy started talking about his friend who was going to come speak and had written a book on dating. Honestly, I've been reading them all since I was a teen. My response, "Oh God." Everyone laughed. They're all in the same boat.
At church they suck. For crying out loud, I'm an adult. I like to do some fun things. I like to get my drink on every once in awhile. When you do things with a singles group from church, it just seems like I don't feel like I can really let loose and have a good time. If I have to be single, at least let me have some fun.
Join the Choir
As soon as they find out I can sing, they want me to join the choir. Oh, that would be soooo fun. That's like asking a professional contractor to come paint your whole church for free. I teach choir. Why not hire me to run the choir?
The Gay Boys in Choir
Are you shocked? There are lots of gay boys in choir, especially if your church has paid soloists and an organist. After having been a paid soloist myself, coupled with being a professional performer, I'm really tired of gay boys. I love them, I just don't want to hang out with them anymore. I'd rather have a straight boyfriend.
The Best Place to Meet A Guy Is At Church
Umm. Yeah, right. So I've heard. I've been trying to do that on and off for awhile. It's not working. Then I got a married lady saying, Please tell me you don't come to church just to meet men. Wow, does it LOOK like I do that? I mean clearly I don't if I haven't dated many guys from church. But what's so wrong about meeting and dating someone from church? What's so bad about that when the Bible tells us we are not to be unequally yoked with non-believers? What's so bad about finding someone within your denomination? Just wondering.
Honestly, I'm wondering why I even want to go and deal with all of this by going back to church. Maybe I'm just too single, to cynical and too tired of it all. I do believe in God, but I'm going through some real hurts that most church people don't understand. I'm sort of like the prodigal son right now, but I get the feeling no one will celebrate with a fatted calf or a big party when/if I return. I used to love reading the Bible when I was a teen and I loved going to church and being in the choir. I had lots of friends. I went to college and was active in Intervarsity Christian Fellowship. I had lots of friends there too. I used to go to Bible studies all the time. But it's different now.
No one thought I'd be the one that stayed single. Quite frankly, neither did I.
Does church hurt you? Share your experiences...
If you think I'm just complaining, have a read. I'm not alone.
If Singleness Is A Blessing, Why Does it Feel Like A Curse?
Open Letter to Single Men (Christianity Today)
Why Men Hate Church
Misunderstood World of Single Adults
The Mormon Church throws all their singles together into Singles Wards.
Latter Day Singles