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Sunday, January 13, 2008

Luv Sux

Right now it seems like everything sux! We broke up. I would have done it first if my mom hadn't talked me out of it. I thought about texting him that, but I prefer letting him feel guilty.

I hate to be dramatic and all, but I have a sixth sense when it comes to love. I JUST KNEW he wasn't all into it. The thing is, he wanted me to forget that somehow and sleep with him anyway.

You know what's kind of awesome about it? He met my family, but that's about it. I met all of his friends, his roommate, his friends from college, his roommate and I went to church with him. I can't wait for people at church to ask him about me. I was just going to sit with the congregation, but I was sitting near the choir because he was in the choir. Next thing I knew, they had pulled me up there to sing with them because they were impressed with my voice. You know they will be asking about me.

I didn't like how he treated me last week. I went over there and made dinner for us because he was worried about how much he had been spending on dinners and we were supposed to go on a cruise together. I was trying to be accomodating and understanding. He wanted to watch football. I stayed over, and then after church he said he really wanted to watch football again because his favorite team was on. Fine, be that way then.

This week, I felt like I had to say something. "I'm happier when I hear from you more. I thought I would be hearing from you more and seeing you more when you asked me to be your girlfriend." Then this weekend he cancelled on me. He said he was sick. I offered to go down and make soup for him. He turned me down.

I just knew he wasn't all in the relationship. I asked him if he would be angry if I didn't sleep with him on the cruise and he said. "I wouldn't be angry, but I'd be dissappointed." I could live with his dissappointment. I just didn't feel comfortable giving it up yet.

What did he do as we broke up? He mentioned the other girl that I suspected he still had feeling for. "I knew it. I'm never jealous without cause. In fact, I'm not jealous at all. I knew you weren't all there. And I wasn't going to be intimate with you if you weren't. Imagine how devastated I'd be if we had done it. And besides, you've been with plenty of girl (28 to be exact) and it doesn't work any better just because you've had sex."

"I feel bad doing this to you just as you're having problems at work."
"Did your friends tell you to break up with me because we hadn't slept together yet."
"No, but they did tell me I should still go on the cruise." Funny, that's what they told me.
"It's not fair. I've been nothing but sweet to you and you're hung up on some girl who doesn't even care for you."
"It's not you, it's me. You're a great girl, you really should keep trying."
"You really aren't going to say anything that's going to make me feel better. I have to go."
He tried to make me feel better. It all sounded lame. Something about needing to stay single to advance his career and not really being ready for a relationship, still needing time to get over the last thing. Whatever the fuck.
I was ready to try a relationship. "I didn't pressure you. You kissed me. You called me. You asked me to be your girlfriend. I would have been happy just being friends." He agreed that I didn't push things at all.
"I have to go."
"OK, well, you take care."

I hung up.

My cousins didn't like him very much. They thought he had a problem with anger. He mentioned his old girlfriends too much. I just told him, "They don't like guns."

But what he doesn't know is that my mom was the one who stopped me from dumping him first. I really want to tell him that. I really, really do. I had already told her, "Maybe I should see other people. I don't feel like this is much of a relationship." She thought I was just upset over work. I was just onto him.

Just goes to show that you should follow your instincts.

I hope they give him a really bad time at church.


single/certain said...

ok so i don't use this word much, but seriously, what a DOUCHE. that's probably unchristian of me to say that, but girl YOU COULD DO SO MUCH BETTER!!! i didn't like him from the first, when i read your post about him liking someone else first, and TELLING YOU about it. a gentleman does NOT do that!!!! hang in there, D! next time will be much better.

D said...

SERIOUSLY!! I agree! And then other times I don't. But then again, when he told me about her I said, "It's OK, I've been seeing other people too." He said, "And I felt so guilty." I answered, "You SHOULD!"

single/certain said...

good for you. he should feel guilty. that's just wierd that he'd tell you that. sure, it's ok to see other people. but not to be like, 'umm, so i liked this other girl better, but if she won't have me, then i'll give you a shot." wtf?