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Friday, January 18, 2008

Guys I didn't want to hear from again

Every once in awhile we hear from people that we thought, hoped and prayed were out of our lives permanently. And sometimes God just doesn't listen. Fate can be cruel.

I was supposed to go on a cruise with my boyfriend this weekend. I have the TV on and just saw a commercial for that same cruise line. I haven't seen a commercial for them ever before, why tonight?

As I was writing to my boyfriend, I was simultaneously writing to a guy I called Tor. Wouldn't you know it, he sent me the exact same email that he sent me last October!? He told me I like to hide behind words and wasn't serious about a relationship. He ended it. I was so fine with that. I thought I got a sincere message from the guy, but apparently his 40 hour per week internet wife searching isn't going so well if he is just spamming us all for a second round. Love Greencard Style I couldn't resist writing to him and telling him exactly what I thought about his lack of sincereity.

Lastly, the guy I least wanted to hear from was the guy who let me drive his car and kept asking me to sleep with him. He really upset me. Not only did he drink alot, but now I am attuned to warning signs of bad boys. I wasn't impressed when he started telling us all about how he threatened a cop by telling him that he could kill him if he did something or another I can't remember. I also wasn't impressed when he told me all about his exgirlfriend who he admitted to telling that he wouldn't support her if she had his child. She had an abortion. More Dirty Old Men

And lastly, I don't want to hear from my boyfriend again. I'm sort of lying. I miss the good times. I know what you're thinking, cause I think it too! I know that bad times lie just behind the good times because that's what I got from him twice over. There is no point to trying again. He was, after all, the Texter in How's Your Text Life? Yet it's difficult to let go when he is the only person I have been remotely intimate with in two years, even if it didn't go all the way.

I want to send his stuff back, but I don't want to contact him. Truthfully, I can't remember his address. I stopped thinking about street numbers. In order to get it, I would have to dig through all the old text messages that start with cutie, QT, Sugar or Sug. I would end up crying. I haven't had the heart to wash the nightgown I wore when I last stayed over because it still smells a little bit like him. I want to wash it, but I can't seem to do it. He smelled really good to me.

I want to hear from him and yet I don't. I want to know that he misses me, but then again, he's a jerk. I want to tease him by sending him all the notes I made in 99 Ways to Make Her Moan, but I don't know what that would actually bring me. I tried to burn the box of chocolates he gave me and apparently it's flame retardant. I was so disappointed as I thought my tiny act of arson would make me feel better. I've seen two ads for cruises and a film with his particular branch of law enforcement featured in a way I had never seen. I feel like God is taunting me. I don't want to be bitter, I want to move on.

I was looking forward to having a boyfriend for Valentine's Day. I was starting to smile when I saw couples kissing and holding hands. The whole world was fresh with new love in midwinter.

I'm so confused. Is he too dumb to realize that my family would never accept him again? Or for that matter, what about me? Am I dumb enough to go back? Or finally smart enough to stay away when I know it will be bad.

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