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Thursday, January 24, 2008

Broken Hearted

What do you do when it's over? Do you smile, laugh and move on? Do you cry your eyes out? Do you curse the day they were born? Guess what? It's all normal!! It's all OK! Just don't act on it. Don't harrass them at their work or at home. But there are stages to moving on.

Here are the "official" stages:
Denial: The initial stage: "It can't be happening."
First you're relieved. The pressure was off to make something work that wasn't working. You still expect to hear from them somehow. No one wants to feel hurt.

Anger: "Why me? It's not fair."
It's OK to be angry. The person may not have set out to hurt you, but they did. Even if you broke up with the other person, it still hurts. You were ready to dump that chump. Even if they broke up with you and hour before you were going to break up with them, it still hurts.

Bargaining: "If only I had just done..."
Then you might be confused, you grapple with reliving the relationship. You wonder why and how this happened? Most relationships start with such hope be it of having someone special for Valentine's Day or the fulfillment of all your hopes and dreams of a future. You remember the good times and the pain of the bad times.

Depression: "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"
It's OK to feel loss. Not only is the relationship over, but more often than not, you won't be seeing that person again. Sometimes that is hard to take, especially if they were special to you. It's OK to cry. It's OK to throw things. It's OK to call you friends and talk about it.

Acceptance: "It's going to be OK."
Eventually you have to accept that it's over and that you can move on to find a new relationship.

Deep down, I already know that it's going to be OK, but it's hard right now and it doesn't seem fair. I get angry when I think that he was trying to jump into a relationship with me thinking it would help him get over someone else, someone that he had to finish grieving for. He wasn't in my life for very long. It should be easier. I even get angry about that.

I gathered all his things. I've thought about sending them back in anger by dropping them in the mail without paying for postage or writing a return address and a nasty note saying something to the tune of THANKS FOR NOTHING! I tried to set the chocolate box on fire, but it was flame retardant. Darn! It would have made me feel better to see it burn.

I've thought about sending back his stuff to tease him into thinking that I would be open to a sexual relationship just so I can tell him to fuck off when he calls.

So far, I haven't sent anything anywhere.

I bought a book on handwriting analysis and analyzed his handwriting for any signs of mental illness. After all, he's clearly nuts for letting me go! He's going to regret it someday. I discovered he's mostly normal, bubbly, friendly and people oriented from his writing. It shows a slight inclination to dwell on the past with hints at moodiness because the line of his writing is a little uneven. He's not a felon or an extreme pervert. His handwriting didn't even show signs of the anger he displayed. No real answers here, but at least I know a neat party trick!

I consulted the stars. Yep, I went and got a free online astrology reading. It basically said that we would have problems because he's extremely idealistic about love. It's possible that he truly was hopeful that we would work out and he gave it his all. He also has a tendancy to get bored. It said he was energetic and sometimes combative. THe reading also said that we had to take care to be honest with each other and were sometimes not in harmony, that it was easy for him to be critical of me and that I am sensitive to criticism. There was good news too. We like each other and are supportive of each other. All of this is a "no shit, sherlock" kind of situation. Alot of common sense. We exaggerated our relationship and led each other on in different ways from the beginning. He took me to a wedding and to meet his friends. I had him meet my family. We were going to go on a cruise. It seemed more serious than it was. Maybe it was too much pressure on both sides.

The truth is, there is probably anger and disappointment on both sides. He still didn't have to ignore me to watch football and treat me badly last time I went over there. I have no regrets, though. I gave the relationship my best shot. I run the danger of comparing my attraction level for him to other guys. I was doing that from the day I met him and no one measured up. Hopefully I will be able to find someone where all the pieces fit.

I've learned that the most important thing is to follow your instincts. Listen to the voice that tells you something is not quite right. I saw signs of problems from the very beginning that I hoped were over, but they weren't. Just because you see problems, doesn't mean you a free of hurt at the end. You still need healing, and that's OK!!

So, what do you do (or have you done) when you break up with someone?