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Sunday, January 13, 2008

Are We Breaking Up?

My sweetie and I seem to be compatible in alot of ways, but there are alot of things working against us. Right now it doesn't seem like we are going to make it past this weekend. I made a list of the factors involved to help me think it through.

What we have going for us:
1. Spiritual background, funloving personalities, military background, conservative.
2. We have similar taste in music and both love to sing.
3. I like the way he smells. I read in psychology today that one of the top complaints women have is they don't like how their husbands smell. That was even used to comic effect in Neil Simon's play, Star Spangled Girl.
4. He's honest, hardworking, very intelligent.
5. His friends from work thing we are a good match and commented that we act like we have been together a long time. I went to a wedding with him and his friends there said we had chemistry that seemed like theirs when they first started out.
6. He liked me enough to ask me to go on a vacation with me.
7. He has bought me a few romantic gifts like a rose, chocolates and a sweet card. At least the are some books that tell you that's a good sign.

What's working against us:
1. I have alot of stress on the job right now.
2. He is trying to advance his career and may have to move out of town for training for 6 months--If 3 of those months are over the summer, I could go out and stay with him.
3. He has a pattern of short relationships, so I wonder if he just gets out when the going gets tough.
4. He is way more sexually experienced. I am just not ready to go all the way until our relationship is more stable.
5. He put our relationship on hold because he liked someone else before we met and wanted to be certain that was over before we moved on.
6. He doesn't call enough. He works nights. We don't see each other much because he lives an hour away.
7. We keep having to put the relationship on hold because one or both of us have been sick.
8. He can be moody and grouchy.
9. Last time I saw him, I kind of got pushed out in favor of football--something that you expect more when you have been dating longer.
10. After thinking that he asked me to go on vacation with him meant he would pay, he asked me to pay my half. Oops! Maybe we aren't that great at communicating.

I thought it would be fairly even when I made a list of the good and the bad.

Some things are patterns of behavior--short relationships, not calling enough, mood swings.

Some of the problems are circumstantial. My job stress might get better. Training can come and go. We can make sure that we communicate better in the future.

Unfortunately, this cruise and vacation business might kill us. Not only was I concerned about getting intimate during our vacation because I wasn't sure if I was ready, then an event I forgot about came up at work. For the same weekend.

Are these things going to overcome the good?


single/certain said...

what about his character? can you talk about stuff for a long time together? have you ever read 'boundaries in dating'? it can help you with your list, i promise! good luck... keep us posted!

D said...

It's hard to find a dating book I HAVEN'T read!!