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Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Cut and Paste

How many girls do you think got this same email from this guy?

Hi,
i just signed in to this site,am James just now i saw your profile and i really like what you wrote about yourself.
Im a single man, who really want to love and be loved.Infact i would like to know more about you,just maybe we could get to meet each other,and probably maybe you are the one i came here to find .Smilessssssssss

Cant wait to hear from you soonest.Take care of yourself.you can kindly contact me at jmsm underscore73atyahoodotcome.thanks God bless you


Oh, yeah, the profile was really BORING and he's ways older than me, too. There is no picture. He probably won't even remember me if I wrote to him because he sent this to as many girls as he could. It's a clear case of cut and paste.


Modern Love Poem

A love poem for the rest of us.

He--

I'm honestly busy these days.
I think that love can wait.
I'll tell her I'm thinking of her.
She'll just keep taking the bait.

I wonder what she's doing tonight.
I wonder if she's with someone else.
One of these days maybe, just maybe,
I'll take her out myself.

She--

He says he's thinking of me.
I wonder what it could be.
Is it my eyes, my hair, my smile?
I wish he'd tell me please.

He asks me out every email,
I've got enough hope to drown.
One of these days maybe, just maybe,
He'll finally come around.





Sunday, October 28, 2007

Misunderstandings and Dirty Old Men

I was hired to sing at a wedding and met the family at a rehearsal dinner. Then the drama began.

I thought I had a great time meeting this family. After all, this was the family of a friend of mine. Some people I already knew were there and I was affectionate. I'm Latina, we hug and kiss people.

As I was saying goodnight to people, there were many hugs and kisses as are the usual custom. I don't remember half of the people.

I'd love to say that the singing went off without a hitch, but there was some backstage drama. It also started about 20 minutes late. The organist handed me the music to the mass 20 minutes before we were supposed to start and wouldn't go over it with me. Then tried to hand me different responses in Spanish halfway through the mass. I got lots of compliments on the Ave Maria. There was, again, some hugging and kissing. In fact, the father of the bride hugged me twice.

I got to the reception and nothing had started yet. There were excessive amounts of pictures to take and my friend who had hired me pulled me aside. She told me to go easy on the hugging because someone's wife got uncomfortable.

What?

"I've waited a really long time to meet the right person. I'm not going to throw that away by going after someone that belongs to someone else."

"I just wanted you know. I've known this family for a long time now and they're special if you get what I mean. They're kind of funny with outsiders. Plus I wanted you to know in case anyone is weird with you."

I was a little bit weirded out and upset. I found myself in the bar spilling my guts out to a bartender over a soda. She thought it was ridiculous. Some of the groomsmen came in. One looked away when I looked, so I looked away. When I looked back, he looked away again. Was he the guy? I had two groomsmen to my right. I slipped out of there.

As I walked out into the foyer, I ran into my friend's husband touched my arm to stop me. "I wanted to tell you how beautiful the Ave Maria was." He touched my arm. "I know it's hard to believe, but you made me cry." He touched my arm again. I smiled and said, "Thank you so much." I started freaking out. What if someone got the wrong idea from him touching my arm? "Have you seen -----? I have to find her." He was needed somewhere for some pictures, so I was able to make a clean getaway.

I ran into the father of the bride. I thought I might be safe there.

"How is your ankle?"
"OK, I'm not wearing my boot. I taped it instead. See?"
"I noticed. Here are some kisses for your ankle for it to get better." He blew some kisses at my feet.
"Oh, thank you."
"All you need is some kisses and a massage and you will feel better."
"If you find a nice single guy my age, let me know."
"Does he have to be your age?"
"No, I guess not. As long as he's nice."
"Does he have to be single?" He opened his arms to indicate his willingness to help me heal.
I smiled and laughed. "Oh, yes, he does have to be single. That wouldn't be fair since you already have a wife. I should get my own guy, right? By the way, have you seen -----? I really need to find her."

I slipped away to find ----- and then sort of hid in a changing room. I had been invited to stay for the reception. I had even looked forward to the possibility of meeting someone there or something, but now I felt too uncomfortable. I could have laughed off the father of the bride if it hadn't been for an unfounded accusation. The only kind of woman who would get jealous that someone had hugged and kissed her husband in the midst of hugging and kissing many other people would be a woman with a cheating man. And cheaters apparently run in the family.

This was too much drama for a bunch of people that weren't my family. I made my escape. I thought about telling -----, but after the accusation I heard coming through her, I didn't think she would believe me.

My cousin thinks I was exaggerating about the father of the bride, but I don't. All it takes is for the woman to be willing. I didn't feel like playing to find out if it was a bluff or a joke. I don't think it's hard to figure out that if it sounds like a come on and feels like a come on, it probably is.

I'm also still trying to figure out if he's the father of the bride or the grandfather of the bride.




Saturday, October 27, 2007

I'm just not that into you

Sometimes it's OK to call a guy. Some examples of OK include when you just aren't that into him as a date, but wouldn't mind being friends.
I called him when I knew he couldn't call me back. So he emailed me.
His email:

From: R
To: D
Sent: Friday, October 26, 2007 12:06:31 AM
Subject: Re: From R
Hey D,

First off I wanted to apologize for missing your phone call. You can always get a hold of me at (999) 999-9999. That's my cell phone number. At the time I was in class, and I was preparing for several exams, but I have been thinking about you. I would like to go out for lunch or dinner with you if you would like to. I will give you a call tomorrow. Have a nice night :) and take care!

-R


Honestly it sounds like lie, lie, lie, lie, la la la la la lie, lie la la lie.
My nonchalant, non-commital response:

----------------------------------

Hi R,

I thought I was calling your cell when I called, oops! I've been really busy this week and am superbusy this weekend with singing at a wedding and family coming into town for the weekend. Dinner sounds great. We'll have to actually make a plan. You're supposed to be at home waiting for my phone call. What gives? ;)

Talk to you soon,
D


-------------------------- ---

I left out the part where I was not at work because I had a stomach flu. Gross. And still feeling it a little bit.

Honestly, I don't know why I bothered. I've already written him off as a potential date. OK, let me be honest, I found him attractive. The thought of actually going out with him sounded nice. The thought that he was actually going to call also sounded a little bit nice. THe thought of kissing someone I am attracted to also sounds a little bit nice.

What I can't get over is when people say they are going to call and don't for days on end. I wouldn't want a boyfriend like that. The other thing I can't get over is that one of the times he said he was going to call me, he did keep his word but called really late.

I love how in his email he is sure to let me know that I can reach him any time. Right. He's got my number and knows how to use a phone. If I can reach him anytime, then he can certainly pick up his phone and call me anytime. Thank God for the cell phone, because I would really hate to have been a girl in the 1950s waiting for some stupid boy to call.

I've got a better idea. Instead of going out and me waiting around for a phone call from this guy, why don't we break up now so we can be friends.





Sunday, October 21, 2007

Should I call?

I actually met a really nice guy last Sunday and we exchanged info. He's even already met my parents, so I don't have to worry about the future embarrassment. BUT, there's a reason why I just don't get excited anymore.

He's not married. For sure not. Don't even worry about that.

It's just that...well, sometimes you meet someone nice and nothing happens.

I've been trying not to get excited about this for months. I'll go back to the beginning.

A few months ago, a family friend called to say she wanted me to apply for a job at the tutoring place where she was working. So I did. But they were kind of cheap, unscrupulous asked illegal questions in the hiring and application process and then asked me to find my own substitute for a position, so I didn't end up working for them. Then I found out the REAL reason this friend wanted me to work there. She wanted me to meet a guy who worked there. He is a professor and teaches there part time. She said she could "just see" us together.

Oh Gawd. My first thoughts and questions: Are you sure he's really single? Are you sure he's really looking for someone? Normal stuff to wonder about.

My next thought was about the only other time someone set me up. My mom. Yes, that's right, my mom set me up and it was a disaster. She loved this guy. He was one of her favorite people in the whole world. We went to church together, then he was supposed to take me to lunch after. He said he had to take his sister home first. So I go home and sit there for an hour and a half while I was totally starving. Finally I called. "Oh, sorry. I ate with my sister and then I fell asleep." I can't remember any of the rest of our conversation after that. Blah blah blah, I'm pathetic was what it sounded like. What a jerk. My mom was pissed.

Well, a couple of months later, he calls all nicey nice and asks me out to dinner, but he has to go to a meeting first. I was flattered about dinner, not thilled about the meeting, but in the name of second chances I went. I'm glad I did. He showed that he was one of the jerkiest jerks ever. The meeting was for Century 21, otherwise known as Amway. Great God almighty. As soon as I figured out that he was actually going to try to recruit me, I was out of there. I still remember him standing in the hallway saying, "But what about dinner."

He actually had the nerve to call us to wish us a Happy Thanksgiving. I told him, "Don't call again." He asked why. How dumb could he be?

Back to the current guy...

My family friend was sneaky. She had called him months ago when I was there saying she was planning on having a party. Why me?

Finally, when I had forgotten all about this episode, she threw a surprise party for her daughter. I walked in rather innocently and then there was this cute guy there, who I figured out to be him. But I did find out that he was, "Very single." according to him. We actually hit it off. I doubt he knew about the machinations of this woman. Once he left the party, I got the commentary. It seemed like everyone who was there knew what was up.

"He was talking with you the whole time, that's good."
"We all knew. She said all she could do was hope you two hit it off. It seems like it worked."
"Did you exchange information?"
"Yes, we did. I'll let you know if anything happens."

Guess I don't have to tell them anything. OK, maybe a little. He said he was going to email me that night to get the addy for my blog. (Something which I now won't give.) I went off to do other fun things that day. I even told someone that I thought I met someone special that day.

He didn't write that evening, but he did write.

Here's his note:
---------------------------------
Dear D,

It was truly a pleasure to have met you. I'm sorry for not E-mailing you sooner. I enjoyed your company very much. I hope you had a pleasant weekend, and I hope you enjoyed your ----------ing. If you ever would like to do brunch or anything, feel free to let me know and we can set something up. Take care for now, and I hope you have a pleasant week.

Sincerely,
R

----------------------------------

Hi Robert,

I did have fun -----------ing! I even got a picture. It was nice meeting you too. It's always nice meeting friends of friends because they are usually also nice. ----- and my mom have been friends for a long time now and we always celebrate with each other. It would make me happy to share your company again. Hope you are having a good week. Though students cause troubles, they also cause joys. I have experienced both this week.

Talk to you soon,

Diana

---------------------------------

I thought this left things nicely open and in his court. Trouble is...I'm wondering if he ever got it. I mean, if this lovely note found its way to his junkmail folder, then he might think that I didn't write. Or maybe he got it and isn't sincere. Maybe he got it and is now in the hospital due to a nasty flu. Perhaps, as happens with many teachers, he got buried under a pile of papers. Maybe he met someone else. (Unlikely, but it did happen to me once. I regret that relationship and wondered what happened to the first guy when I found his card a year later in one of my mystery piles.) Maybe he figured out that we were set up, found it patently offensive and junked the idea of going out with me even though he was attracted to me.

To call or not to call, that is the question. If the answer is to call, when? When he can't answer? When would that be? Voicemails can get lost in the ether just like emails can. Modern love. There was no mistaking someone coming by to "call" on you in the days before telephones, email, voicemail, text messages and answering machines. The more ways we have to connect, the more possibilities we have of losing our connection.

Do I give up on that feeling of having met someone special? Or do I give it a shot on behalf of all the effort my family friend put into this setup? Do I risk that stupid feeling of calling and finding out something I don't want to know? Do I surrender to the tenents of "he's just not that into you?" I keep thinking that life is a little more complex than that when other things happen and we've been burned a few times and are cautious with our hearts.

------------------

Followup...
I called. He had recieved my email today he said and was going to call me tonight after I gave him my cell phone number. He sounded nice. First, he did call me back using his cell phone, but then promised he would call back this evening. He didn't. I was really hopeful. Like I said, there is a reason why I just don't get excited.


Saturday, October 20, 2007

Just for ha-has

Here's what happens when I invite people to read my blog.

On Sep 11, 8:03 am, DivaD77 wrote:

Why are people so STRANGE???? I'm not being too picky, there are just alot of freaks and weirdos out there!!!

------------------------------------------
On Sep 11, 11:18 pm, Red Iron wrote:

Hi there. I'm a new kid on the block, although my days of being a kid are fairly long gone. The good thing is..... I am not one of the wierdos. I belong to that very average species: the middles aged, middile management, middle class, family man. My wife is the religious one in the family: she takes care for and provides food for our souls and I take care of the food for the body. We have two daughters and are (in my opinion) a very ordinary family. Possibly too ordinary and thus "boring"

------------------------------

Oct 18, 2:30 am, DivaD77 wrote:

You sound very nice and normal. That's why you are married. You
aren't a weirdo. No consolation to us single folks. Just reinforces
the idea that all of the good ones are taken.




Sprained Ankle Adventures, 2

It's been a few weeks and I am still wearing the boot. I hate it, but it's become a part of me.

As a teacher I think of confiscating a wide variety of student items--especially things I like. I kind of want a pink mini Ipod. I probably wouldn't even use it, but I see the kids using them and they look soooo cute and so practical. I always joke about this kid of thing. Some of them don't think it's funny.

Scooters are really popular these days. One of my students let his fall to the floor so that it was actually a danger. Someone (me) could have tripped on it. So I picked it up and was seized with a sudden desire to ride it. In my classroom. So I did. I picked it up and rode it back an forth a few times while that student was flirting with another student. He was so focused on helping her that he didn't even notice me scooting back and forth behind him and then turning around. Alot of other students didn't notice either. I even stuck my leg out behind me like and ice skater. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. "Hey, I really need one of these things. I don't think you're even supposed to have them at school. I might have to confiscate it."
"Oh, no Miss, please don't. I need it to get around."
"I understand. It's kind of fun, but I think I might need it more. It's easier than walking right now. Where can I get one?"
"I got mine at Walmart for like $20."
"No way. $20!? I'm so there."

How many high school teachers does anyone know who would ride a scooter around campus?

Well, me, I guess.

I also have to pull a few "do as I say and not as I do" type lectures when another student got the brilliant idea to also ride the scooter in class. The last thing I need is for him to break his nose under my care.

"But Miss D, how come you can do it and I can't?"

"Because I'll be careful. It's not like I'm going to ride my scooter through the halls when it's full of students. I'm going to use it to take up the attendance when there's no one around."

I actually ran into a student from my substitute teaching days. She was working behind the counter and rang up my scooter. She thought it was pretty cool too. And yes, I used the cart again.

I do hate the boot. It's not nearly as cute as my shoes. But then again, it's been inspiring and fun to ride the carts and buy a scooter to get around. I can't wait for the funny looks to begin.


My foot on the cart at Lowe's a very fun place to ride a cart on a Monday night.
Lots of friendly people and the cart was pretty fast.

I gave myself frostbite from an ice pack. Not so fun. Check out my blister and the discoloration on the skin.

Sunday, October 7, 2007

Sprained Ankle Adventures


I sprained my ankle at work. I have to wear a freaking BOOT! It's ugly, but it's kind of fun.

At first I thought my ankle didn't hurt that much... Well, I was wrong!

The first time I sprained my ankle, I was wearing some supercute sparkly aqua blue heels. At work. Yes, I'm an idiot. But I used to wear them in NYC walking down the sidewalk and this didn't happen! But, then, there isn't enough grass in NYC for you to step in so that the heel of your supercute sparkly aqua blue shoes sinks into the sod and makes your ankle wobble. What possessed me to wear those to SCHOOL? (See pictures, there are the naughty shoes--ahem just one plus an ugly boot.)

I am a new teacher, I didn't want to report anything. I got an ice pack from the nurse and made her promise not to tell.

That was dumb. So much for being savvy.

The next week I was walking confidently across the parking lot to take the attendance. It was the evening of our back to school night. I stepped on a rock near where they are doing construction. My ankle rolled. This time I didn't hold back. Then they sent me to the freaking clinic. I was seriously not amused. I pouted.

I was good and wore the darn thing. My students seriously had fun with this. Miss D, be careful how you walk in that thing or you'll end up with a goofy foot."
"My foot? What do I care about my foot when the rest of me is already goofy?"

"Miss D, this is how you walk."

"Yeah, I do. Walk this way. No really, walk THIS way." Exaggerated limping.

"Miss D, how come you get to sit and put your foot up and I can't?"

Why do I think it's funny that my latest nickname is Hop-a-log Cassidy? Or that one of my students pretends she is injured, too.

I was good and wore the boot until Saturday. I wasn't hurting, so I decided that I must not really need the boot. I taped up my ankle and went shopping. OUCH ALMIGHTY! Vanity is definitely not Savvy. You can bet I wore that thing today. I went shopping again, with little ouchies from yesterday. Luckily I can stuff an ice pack in there.

I even shoved vanity aside and rode the little cart at Target. People were seriously looking at me funny. So I put my foot up to show off my boot. Seriously, the guys that work there all want to ride that thing, and now I know why! It's fun! It beeps when you back up. Anytime I had to wait in line, I would just put my foot up. The security guard smiled and waved at me as if to say, "Lucky, smart girl." I just smiled back, put my foot up on the cart and leaned back a little bit. I even made a girl that works at Target walk out with me. She got to ride the thing back. "Hey, all the guys are gonna be so jealous." She smiled as she got on it. "Yeah, but I bet all of these people think I'm just goofing off."

I might go back to Target tomorrow just so I can ride the cart around again. I might as well take advantage of the pain and weight gain and enjoy some of life's little pleasures like getting dirty looks from people who think I'm faking, and saying "BEEP BEEP, excuse me!" Almost running over people who realize I'm not an old lady and that the thing beeps as you back up are priceless. When I'm old, it won't be nearly so much fun. Then I'll be grouchy about all the obstacles they have for old people. This boot isn't so bad after all. It gives me bragging rights. No one suspects that I stepped on a little rock. The rock gets bigger every time I tell it. The earth nearly swallows me and people say, "You must have really jacked up your ankle bad. They don't give the boot for nothing, you know." I just smile, put my foot up, and say, "Hopefully I won't have to wear it too much longer." What a lie.


My foot in the cart at Target--look, I'm buying a scooter!