Monday, December 17, 2007
Telling Sexy Secrets
Do you tell your friends about what you do intimately?
On TV shows and in movies it seems like they both show and tell all.
In real life how much is too much?
Not long ago I was engaged. I found myself getting more and more annoyed with the kinds of things my fiasco--err fiance--would tell his friends. Perhaps it was my introduction to the idea that some people are an open book where others would rather maintain confidentiality. I found myself in just this dilemma.
When I was engaged, I was a virgin. My fiasco and I agreed that we would wait until we got married before having sex. His friends had other ideas of what they wanted to share. "How do you know you'll be compatible?"
"Trust me, I know."
"Yeah, but how can you be sure?"
Then he would go on and describe exactly what we did do in great detail so that they would understand. What I wanted him to say was, "I love her and respect her. What we do or don't do in the bedroom is really none of anyone's business." That's what I would have said at the time. I was really embarrased because he was the first person I was really actively expressing anything sexual.
I'm sure you're wondering what we did do. It's not exactly advocated by any Christian dating book. OK, not at all. What we did produces the outrageous creature known as the "technical virgin." The technical virgin has done "everything but."
My fiasco suggested to me something called "Levi Lovin" some call it "outercourse." This basically means that you keep your pants on but have fun anyway. Many organizations like Planned Parenthood also recommend it as a way to prevent both pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections while enjoying some level of sexual intimacy with your partner.
When I was dating someone new not too long ago, he began introducing me to his friends. They knew things about me already. "You told your friends about me?" This isn't exactly typical guy behavior, is it? They aren't supposed to say anything about you and keep you from meeting their friends because all men are commitmentphobes, right?
How much more would they know? Would he explain about "outercourse" or "Levi Lovin'?" I mean, they are guys. I could imagine them asking him, "Did you hit it with her yet?" Or, "Have you done IT yet?
What would he say?
Sometimes I wonder if in these cases I shouldn't just say, "Tell your friends that I'm great in bed. If they ask any more questions, just smile and say you plead the Fifth." That at least gives us time to explore the relationship without having sex before I'm truly ready.
Unfortunately that comment led to him saying, "Well, we might just have to give them a little bit more to go on." I'd rather things be a little more private.