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Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Skirting Exclusivity

Boyfriend, girlfriend, significant other...I was both looking forward to and dreading the idea of being exclusive.

Am I bad inside or am I a bit of a commitmentphobe?

After a wonderful date with my new boyfriend, I came home to confront what I had been up to right before we became "official."

I had been researching a restaurant to meet up another date.


I had been emailing that guy for awhile. We were supposed to meet up basically at the last possible moment before things became "official" with my boyfriend. I knew it was coming.

Part of the complication with the relationship was that my boyfriend liked someone else before he met me and before he could move on with me, he declared his feelings to her. She rejected him. He came back to me. Yeah for me, right?

Do you mean to tell me you were on hold for a few weeks while he figured this out?

Hell no!!

The emotional distance basically created a flurry of dating on my end, all of which has been posted on my blog. When there were still some dates left to sort through, he asked me something at a party that included the word boyfriend in it--I think I tried not to hear it. I just smiled and said, "Hey, baby, why don't we save that conversation for a place where we can actually talk?" Whew!

For some reason, it was important to make the effort, maybe because I haven't always looked around before making a commitment to someone. I wanted to be sure it wasn't about me being ready or something in the air, but about us being a good fit for each other. I got set up for a dinner date with a wealthy guy who works for Toyota. No snap, no sparkle. I drive a Mazda. There was the guy who tracked down my number through a friend. He did all the right things but said all the wrong things(Another One Bites The Dust). I was sick the night a real estate agent called me to go out. I was sick, he constantly talks about his ex-wife and I don't like last minute dates. He promised to, but never called again. I spent Thanksgiving with a complete Turkey of a Guy, I had chats with a doctor I went out with last year (First Impressions), and even had an impromptu date with a dirty old man right after my wedding date with my now boyfriend. I made a well-rounded effort, but there was just one guy left.

Now that he has met my family, he's the only guy my parents have met that had my dad talking and mother speechless. This has its own pressures and implications.

The thing I feel the worst about was that the last guy I was supposed to meet before we became exclusive was the guy who has been reading my blog! We were both sick, so he called to cancel. He is travelling for the holidays, so I haven't heard from him since. Do I lose a reader? Do I lose a friend? Maybe we were only ever meant to be friends in the first place. Maybe, like so many internet meetings, you pray you will forget the date after it happens. Or maybe he would have chickened out, the way so many other internet relationships end.

I most likely would have compared him to my boyfriend and made the same decision. My boyfriend was posting messages to his friends on a message board which included a reference to spending time with the GF. He then asked, "Did you see that? You actually already introduced me as your boyfriend once. What do you say we make it official?"

I said, "Yes." And then gave him a hug and a kiss.

I guess I'm not a commitmentphobe after all. I'll have to break it to the other guy gently. Unless he's been reading my blog.

Do you Kiss and Run? Are you a commitmentphobe? I might be. Take the quiz. No need to sign up for anything. I'm going to be reading this book.


1 comment:

D said...

Well, I guess I had GOOD REASON to be a little guarded about this relationship. It fell apart just as fast as it came together both times we tried it out.