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Sunday, November 11, 2007

Love Greencard Style



This guy made me uncomfortable because he was:
a. desperate for a wife
b. desperate for a greencard


Here are the "greatest hits" of our emails so you can share with me the most gory details. He certainly hammered at his point of voice and video being the only way to get to know someone. Apparently I like to hide behind words and am not truly serious about finding someone. Never mind that his situation is bizarre, desperate and unusual. Never mind that I didn't feel we were a match because he couldn't see the humor in some of my stories. Never mind that he didn't seem to think I was funny at all. Never mind that he didn't get me at all or that I'm just kidding about doing research for a screenplay. It's called a conversation starter...the guy should say something like, "Haha, you're really witty. Let's do some research together." Who knows, maybe someday I will write a screenplay.


Original Message (Sent Oct 03, 3:41 PM)
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Hi D!

Your profile information is interesting and your photo is attractive. I am interested in getting to know you. You seem to be the person that I would like to pursue a personal dialogue with and see where that may lead. If you like my profile, and if you believe there could be potential for a friendship that may lead to a serious relationship, then I really look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Tor

Original Message (Sent Oct 08, 2:44 AM)
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Hi Tor, what's up in Sweden? I don't know if you would like it here. Alot of the time I don't even like it here. I keep thinking I would be happier if I moved back to New York City (New Amsterdam to you--just kidding). You sound so serious about finding someone. I'm surprised you haven't found anyone already. I have found it difficult to take anyone too seriously. I had a boyfriend from the internet and we had a relationship for 8 months. He was the first person I met from the internet. He was a great guy, but 14 years older than me with 3 kids, so I seemed like a baby to him. He is married to someone who didn't mind all of that. Since then, everyone got on the internet and I haven't had much luck from meeting people on the internet.

I have stuffy interests and a fun personality. I love to laugh and joke around.
My family comes from Spain. I have never visited, but am hoping to go this summer--Italy too since I studied Italian. I don't know a single word in Swedish unless it's in the IKEA catalog!! What's your personality like?

Take care!

D

Original Message (Sent Oct 08, 9:54 AM)
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Hi D!

Thanks for responding to my message. You have a wonderful smile and intelligent eyes. (DUH!!)

How are you involved in church today? How has Jesus impacted your life?

Are you employed to research for an enterntainment script? (Is direction given by either Joel&Ethan Cohen, or by Woody Allen?) Or what do you do actually? What is your environmental science degree and from whch university?

Why would I not like it where you live? I have visited there many times, it has many great places to live and raise a family.

D, why on earth would you have attempted a serious relationship with a married guy with 3 children? Why even attempting as a Christian a serious relationship with someone who is divorced?! I regard Christian desperation for a husband a good thing because without a passionate longing for a husband I would not be interested, but the desperation should neither deviate from wisdom nor Scripture.

I have often said that I need a latino wife -- someone who can express passion and emotion. I need someone who can show that she needs me.

Are you a trained singer?

I look forward to knowing more about you. If we communiate on Skype you will know more of my personality than words on screen.

Kindly,

Tor


Original Message (Sent Oct 11, 1:18 AM)
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He wasn't married. I don't play that game. I don't think it's a very friendly place because we all drive so far. The stuff about doing research for a film is a joke not to be taken literally. I like to joke around alot.

What is Skype? I'm not a big fan of online chatrooms or messenger programs. I get bored because most times people have multiple chats going on and you are just one of them. Lots of dead time=boring.

Later,
D



Original Message (Sent Oct 11, 9:48 AM)
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I don´t like chats either.

If you would like to talk (voice - as in telephone) then please contact me on Skype. Christians misrepresent themselves just as much as anyone else, but it is more difficult to hide behind the Christian pretence in a voice- and video conversation.

If you are serious about Christian relationships, and not also in relationships just joking around, then Skype is the next connecting point between us. I have provided you with my contacts. You are welcome to call me on Skype.

Kindly,

Tor


Original Message (Sent Oct 12, 1:00 AM)
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Would you mind explaining how skype works?

I don't have video or know how to use the internet for making phone calls. I am serious about relationships, but I like to laugh about things when I can find the humor in the situation.

Take care,

D

Original Message (Sent Oct 12, 6:51 AM)
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Hi D!

I understand your point. Emotions and intent are more easily interpreted in a voice conversation. Look forward to hearing you.

Tor

Original Message (Sent Oct 14, 2:01 PM)
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Hi Tor,

You should have a look at my blog which definitely gives insight into the kind of person I am. I write about funny things, sad things and sometimes get on my soapbox. www.savvysinglechristian.blogspot.com I am something of a writer, even if I am not a great one, so I think alot about me comes out in my writing.

I am a bit overwhelmed at work since I started a new job. If writing for awhile isn't worth your time, I understand.

Take care,
D

Original Message (Sent Oct 27, 7:27 AM)
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Hi D!

I have now read several of your candid writings on your blog. Sorry about your ankle injury. Sorry also to hear of your misfortune in online dating. I guess if you had immediately steering that grandpa into the Skype you would have known to not pursue him (or I guess he was pursuing you. In a voice- and video conversation, pretence and misrepresentation are more difficult.

I am now comitted to finding my escape from Sweden by commencing marriage and family and career elsewhere, through internet. I decided to commence a full-time job searching for a Christian wife on internet upon my return to Sweden from Canada. So while you have little time, I have recently dedicated 40 hrs/week to finding love and marriage and family.

I hope that you will find at least a microphone for your computer soon.

Kindly,

Tor


Original Message (Sent Oct 30, 2:39 AM)
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Hi Tor,

I think you can tell alot about a person without even getting into Skype. The grandpa unearthed himself as a bit of a weirdo within just 2 or 3 emails. Not much effort.

Sorry about your hips. That sounds more painful than an ankle and much harder to ice.

Do you think any of my entries on my blog are funny?

I have to be honest, I don't mind keeping in touch with you as pen pals and casually meeting someday, but I wouldn't be able to stop myself if I met someone out here, something which I keep hoping will happen.

I do agree with you, often the first few words on the phone have been enough to let me know that I didn't feel comfortable enough with someone to follow through with meeting them. (But I was thinking that sometimes you don't even need that!)

Take care,
D

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Message: Hi D,

I am searching for a woman who is sincerely searching for a husband. I believe from your last letter that you are not ready for marriage. If one is uninterested in developing communication, nothing will happen. Hiding behind words on a screen is easy. As with many Christian girls on single-sites, there may be a longing but little reality congruency. I leave you at your dream-world, D.

If you believe in God´s possibilities, then you will contact me by speaking.

Kindly,

Tor
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It couldn't possibly be that there's something creepy and weird about him, could it?

Of course, part of his motivation for getting out of Sweden has to do with persecution of Christians. Although the persecution of Christians saddens me, I don't want to be personally involved in a romantic way when there are so many red flags. He also mentioned none of this in his letters to me. There was alot of pressure and a sense of urgency which I didn't share.

I'm ready for a relationship with the right person. Something just didn't feel right. Alot of things didn't feel right. I've learned to trust my feelings.





3 comments:

Adi said...

Tor is nuts. What kind of guy wants to redo his life by getting married in a different country? He needs help.

Kisci Mony said...

Indeed, Tor is so odd & without personality that he's not worth keeping in touch with, except that reading his emails is like driving by the scene of a car accident and rubber necking. Clearly some of that can be attributed to not having English as his 1st language, but clearly he just wants to marry someone to get out of Sweden. He should just be str8 about it and sign up to be a mail order husband.

onegirlxjourney said...

Hey there. I love the blog. And i completely agree with your nonpreference to messangers services because seriously, it feels like they have 2323 screens up and there is soooo much boring dead time. But meeting people online usually means using a messanger service to talk.. do you have any advice about getting more out of the person than just talking on messanger? I always feel pushy by saying "oo call me" or something. Or maybe Im just insecure that they might not call..haha.

much love.