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Sunday, October 21, 2007

Should I call?

I actually met a really nice guy last Sunday and we exchanged info. He's even already met my parents, so I don't have to worry about the future embarrassment. BUT, there's a reason why I just don't get excited anymore.

He's not married. For sure not. Don't even worry about that.

It's just that...well, sometimes you meet someone nice and nothing happens.

I've been trying not to get excited about this for months. I'll go back to the beginning.

A few months ago, a family friend called to say she wanted me to apply for a job at the tutoring place where she was working. So I did. But they were kind of cheap, unscrupulous asked illegal questions in the hiring and application process and then asked me to find my own substitute for a position, so I didn't end up working for them. Then I found out the REAL reason this friend wanted me to work there. She wanted me to meet a guy who worked there. He is a professor and teaches there part time. She said she could "just see" us together.

Oh Gawd. My first thoughts and questions: Are you sure he's really single? Are you sure he's really looking for someone? Normal stuff to wonder about.

My next thought was about the only other time someone set me up. My mom. Yes, that's right, my mom set me up and it was a disaster. She loved this guy. He was one of her favorite people in the whole world. We went to church together, then he was supposed to take me to lunch after. He said he had to take his sister home first. So I go home and sit there for an hour and a half while I was totally starving. Finally I called. "Oh, sorry. I ate with my sister and then I fell asleep." I can't remember any of the rest of our conversation after that. Blah blah blah, I'm pathetic was what it sounded like. What a jerk. My mom was pissed.

Well, a couple of months later, he calls all nicey nice and asks me out to dinner, but he has to go to a meeting first. I was flattered about dinner, not thilled about the meeting, but in the name of second chances I went. I'm glad I did. He showed that he was one of the jerkiest jerks ever. The meeting was for Century 21, otherwise known as Amway. Great God almighty. As soon as I figured out that he was actually going to try to recruit me, I was out of there. I still remember him standing in the hallway saying, "But what about dinner."

He actually had the nerve to call us to wish us a Happy Thanksgiving. I told him, "Don't call again." He asked why. How dumb could he be?

Back to the current guy...

My family friend was sneaky. She had called him months ago when I was there saying she was planning on having a party. Why me?

Finally, when I had forgotten all about this episode, she threw a surprise party for her daughter. I walked in rather innocently and then there was this cute guy there, who I figured out to be him. But I did find out that he was, "Very single." according to him. We actually hit it off. I doubt he knew about the machinations of this woman. Once he left the party, I got the commentary. It seemed like everyone who was there knew what was up.

"He was talking with you the whole time, that's good."
"We all knew. She said all she could do was hope you two hit it off. It seems like it worked."
"Did you exchange information?"
"Yes, we did. I'll let you know if anything happens."

Guess I don't have to tell them anything. OK, maybe a little. He said he was going to email me that night to get the addy for my blog. (Something which I now won't give.) I went off to do other fun things that day. I even told someone that I thought I met someone special that day.

He didn't write that evening, but he did write.

Here's his note:
Dear D,

It was truly a pleasure to have met you. I'm sorry for not E-mailing you sooner. I enjoyed your company very much. I hope you had a pleasant weekend, and I hope you enjoyed your ----------ing. If you ever would like to do brunch or anything, feel free to let me know and we can set something up. Take care for now, and I hope you have a pleasant week.



Hi Robert,

I did have fun -----------ing! I even got a picture. It was nice meeting you too. It's always nice meeting friends of friends because they are usually also nice. ----- and my mom have been friends for a long time now and we always celebrate with each other. It would make me happy to share your company again. Hope you are having a good week. Though students cause troubles, they also cause joys. I have experienced both this week.

Talk to you soon,



I thought this left things nicely open and in his court. Trouble is...I'm wondering if he ever got it. I mean, if this lovely note found its way to his junkmail folder, then he might think that I didn't write. Or maybe he got it and isn't sincere. Maybe he got it and is now in the hospital due to a nasty flu. Perhaps, as happens with many teachers, he got buried under a pile of papers. Maybe he met someone else. (Unlikely, but it did happen to me once. I regret that relationship and wondered what happened to the first guy when I found his card a year later in one of my mystery piles.) Maybe he figured out that we were set up, found it patently offensive and junked the idea of going out with me even though he was attracted to me.

To call or not to call, that is the question. If the answer is to call, when? When he can't answer? When would that be? Voicemails can get lost in the ether just like emails can. Modern love. There was no mistaking someone coming by to "call" on you in the days before telephones, email, voicemail, text messages and answering machines. The more ways we have to connect, the more possibilities we have of losing our connection.

Do I give up on that feeling of having met someone special? Or do I give it a shot on behalf of all the effort my family friend put into this setup? Do I risk that stupid feeling of calling and finding out something I don't want to know? Do I surrender to the tenents of "he's just not that into you?" I keep thinking that life is a little more complex than that when other things happen and we've been burned a few times and are cautious with our hearts.


I called. He had recieved my email today he said and was going to call me tonight after I gave him my cell phone number. He sounded nice. First, he did call me back using his cell phone, but then promised he would call back this evening. He didn't. I was really hopeful. Like I said, there is a reason why I just don't get excited.


Adi said...

Yeah, the rule is after a guy meets you, if he doesn't ask you out for dinner then he is not that interested. Lunch, brunch stuff doesn't rate.

Now, not all guys understand this, but after dating for a while they are told or figure it out, like I did.

Now, if you run into a guy who doesn't know the rules, then he most likely hasn't dated enough to make the life long commitment to one person and therefore should be passed over.

D said...

What if he works the night shift?