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Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Too Many Freaks Out There

The real problem with relationships is that there are too many freaks out there. My latest dude wrote me this loveleeey note.

My inbox is cluttered with a variety of things. One of my favorites is the guy who has his obsessive-compulsive love dice theory about how you have to score similarly on his "love dice" or whatever. So, basically love is like a crap shoot. I agree. I'm getting bitter over this. And here I am confronted with yet another freaky freak.

Here's the note:

From: Freaky Weiro
To: D
Sent: September 10, 2007 10:04:59 AM
Subject: Hi, from Freaky Weirdo !

Hi just read your profile again your green eyes and smile and hair is definitely a plus to your life. Abundant life-the future.

When you have your children,
they will have lots of your smiles and attitude. Wow I would would like a Girl and a boy please , a son and daughter to pray with and love and provide for and listen to there little patter of feet on Christmas day, consider me , I will be totally grateful for the chance of doing a family right, I have a Good job and Jesus might be coming back soon so we need to get us a meeting just to see the goods and see if God could put us together . We must not be afraid to dream and ask God for a family, my dream is to have a boy and girl playing sandcastles on the beaches of Santa Cruz! Wow put this in your tea, try and have a normal day .
Freaky Weirdo

So, riiight, I should step on it and meet him because Jesus is coming back.

As if that weren't bad enough on it's own, the guy's last note revealed to me that he isn't just a dad, OH NOOO. HE'S A GRANDPA!!! AND HE WANTS TO START ALL OVER AGAIN. WITH MEEEEE! I'M SO LUCKYYYYYY!!

Not only might Jesus come back soon, but you might just die without meeting me... which isn't too long from now, GRAMPS!

Nothing personal or anything, but why don't you set me up with your son or, um grandson? Oh, wait, Freaky Weirdo Jr or III?? No thanks. I'll wait for Mr. "Right About Normal".


poppyseedmuffin said...

Oh wow. Not gonna lie, people are kinda scary.

Andy said...

You could tell him that Jesus wants him to be regular before he comes back and slip him a jar of Metamucil. If he appreciates the humor, he's a keeper.


Hannah said...


I've had situations with "freaky weirdos" before.. I hear ya sista!

Good Luck!

God will bring Mr. Normal soon... I hope..lol

single/certain said...

OMG! that is awesome. and at the same time... i'm sorry. le sigh... dating. good times!!! and great blog by the way!

moooooog35 said...

Well, when Jesus DOES come back and sees you're NOT with this freaky guy, he's going to be PISSED.

..plus, I don't appreciate being called "freaky weirdo."

D said...


singlechristianman said...

there are some straaaange women out there, too...