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Friday, July 20, 2007

Why Men Won't Commit to Marriage

I did NOT make this up, but I'm relying on your comments about this. It seems like many people--both men and women are delaying marriage for a variety of reasons. Do you agree with what The National Marriage Report from Rutger's University has to say? Which ones are true for Christians? Are there any that are true for Christians that aren't listed? How does this change things in how we relate to the world?

The TOP TEN reasons why men don't want to marry:

1. They can get sex without marriage more easily today than in times past.
2. They can enjoy the benefits of having a wife by cohabitating rather than marrying.
3. They want to avoid divorce and its financial risks.
4. They want to wait until they are older to have children.
5. They fear marriage will require to many changes and compromises.
6. They are waiting for the perfect soulmate and she hasn't yet appeared.
7. They face few social pressures to marry.
8. They are reluctant to marry a woman who has already had children.
9. They want to own a house before they get a wife.
10.They want to enjoy single life as long as they can.

Personal commentary:

If you ask me, it's an uphill battle. Relationships move very quickly and people want the goodies without the work. I've often been told by friends and family alike that I should seperate love and marriage from sex or that I should stop being such a prude. What gives them the right to judge me or call me anything? Am I a prude or are some of the people I love just a little too free? I know that some people agree with my choice of lifestylfe wholeheartedly. I know that I wouldn't be a prude with the right guy and the blessing of the Lord in marriage. END.


Anonymous said...

hy men won't commit?

1) laws against men
2) women are not marriage material too, they can't cook, keep home cozy, and so on, they are selfish, carrier minded empty souls who wander in wonderland jumping the alpha cocks carousel until they became old enought to listen the maternity bell, but they realize that they become too old to be actractive for any good men.
3) marriage is women business.period.who needs a ring and a piece of paper to prove commitment anyway?
4) exclusive sex and emotional commitment aren't in the women dictionary anymore
5) they pursue their goals rather than build a future together
6) many women are more expensive than a cheap hooker.
7) the "entitled princess" behaviours way of live keeps good men to a safe distance.
8) the State welfare is the new daddy-care, no more need of a man to be independent and secure.
9) men have absolutely no reproductive rights
10) divorced fathers are treated as little more than sperm doner and cheque book by the family court
11) The last stats I read said that 70% of marriages fail within 5 years. Why set yourself up for the most costly mistake of your life?

Tipical situation:

You meet a woman, her biological clock is ticking. She wants to settle down and have kids almost immediately. The chances of divorce are high because you've rushed into it and havent taken a long time to get to know each other. But thats OK - if you break up she'll take 60% of your assets and you can pay her a regular child support allowance for the next 15 years. And if you want to see your kids on a regular basis then she'll choose what city you'll be living in for the rest of your active life.

What man could resist an offer like that?

As for commitment-phobia, I'd say that people have more opportunity to NOT settle down, which applies equally to women and men, so people take that opportunity. Generalisations like the original post are all just symptoms of this society-wide shift.
..oh! one last word of advice: Women dream of GETTING married, not BEING married ;)

SavvyD said...

Hi anonymous! I am engaged to a man who was actually pushing me to get married - not that I'm a career "bitch" as I have heard the term used, it's just that he brought it up first.

Marriage is, in fact, more than "just a piece of paper." It is also about property, inheritance, and the ability to have sayso in health decisions. Perhaps if men views this as a business arrangement and took better care of their "business partners" (I mean WIVES), perhaps there would be better outcomes.

You, BTW sounds just like some of the cynical jerks who on a first date had no qualms about saying to me that I just wanted to get married. I would then snap back with, "Yes, I want to get married, but not to you." And with that, the date would be OVER.

The other thing they would say is how women just want to have a big wedding. Yes, some do, but my fiance and I are seeing how much of a pain in the add organizing a wedding is. We are going to get our parents together in January and just go to the courthouse. End of story.

Perhaps I'm unusual, but I really don't care if I am. What really matters to me is the marriage. And my guy is amazing. He really encourages me to be the best I can be and that's worth sticking around for always. Maybe if more men were like that, women wouldn't be dumping their asses. Grow up and stop blaming women for everything.