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Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Skirting Exclusivity

Boyfriend, girlfriend, significant other...I was both looking forward to and dreading the idea of being exclusive.

Am I bad inside or am I a bit of a commitmentphobe?

After a wonderful date with my new boyfriend, I came home to confront what I had been up to right before we became "official."

I had been researching a restaurant to meet up another date.


I had been emailing that guy for awhile. We were supposed to meet up basically at the last possible moment before things became "official" with my boyfriend. I knew it was coming.

Part of the complication with the relationship was that my boyfriend liked someone else before he met me and before he could move on with me, he declared his feelings to her. She rejected him. He came back to me. Yeah for me, right?

Do you mean to tell me you were on hold for a few weeks while he figured this out?

Hell no!!

The emotional distance basically created a flurry of dating on my end, all of which has been posted on my blog. When there were still some dates left to sort through, he asked me something at a party that included the word boyfriend in it--I think I tried not to hear it. I just smiled and said, "Hey, baby, why don't we save that conversation for a place where we can actually talk?" Whew!

For some reason, it was important to make the effort, maybe because I haven't always looked around before making a commitment to someone. I wanted to be sure it wasn't about me being ready or something in the air, but about us being a good fit for each other. I got set up for a dinner date with a wealthy guy who works for Toyota. No snap, no sparkle. I drive a Mazda. There was the guy who tracked down my number through a friend. He did all the right things but said all the wrong things(Another One Bites The Dust). I was sick the night a real estate agent called me to go out. I was sick, he constantly talks about his ex-wife and I don't like last minute dates. He promised to, but never called again. I spent Thanksgiving with a complete Turkey of a Guy, I had chats with a doctor I went out with last year (First Impressions), and even had an impromptu date with a dirty old man right after my wedding date with my now boyfriend. I made a well-rounded effort, but there was just one guy left.

Now that he has met my family, he's the only guy my parents have met that had my dad talking and mother speechless. This has its own pressures and implications.

The thing I feel the worst about was that the last guy I was supposed to meet before we became exclusive was the guy who has been reading my blog! We were both sick, so he called to cancel. He is travelling for the holidays, so I haven't heard from him since. Do I lose a reader? Do I lose a friend? Maybe we were only ever meant to be friends in the first place. Maybe, like so many internet meetings, you pray you will forget the date after it happens. Or maybe he would have chickened out, the way so many other internet relationships end.

I most likely would have compared him to my boyfriend and made the same decision. My boyfriend was posting messages to his friends on a message board which included a reference to spending time with the GF. He then asked, "Did you see that? You actually already introduced me as your boyfriend once. What do you say we make it official?"

I said, "Yes." And then gave him a hug and a kiss.

I guess I'm not a commitmentphobe after all. I'll have to break it to the other guy gently. Unless he's been reading my blog.

Do you Kiss and Run? Are you a commitmentphobe? I might be. Take the quiz. No need to sign up for anything. I'm going to be reading this book.


Thursday, December 20, 2007

Open House Fingers

Whiskey fingers--calling people out of loneliness when you are drunk.

Open house fingers--calling people out of loneliness because you are a real estate agent in a down market with no one showing up to make an offer.

Yes, I've had both kinds of calls.

I would hate to be a reat estate agent about now. Being trapped at an open house all day on a Saturday or Sunday is a fate worse than dealing with "terrible teens", "terrible tweens" or "terrible twos" during the week.

I had this real estate agent I was in touch with via online. Quite frankly, I forgot about him several times. I sent him my number via email because he said he'd like to call me. Months passed before he called. We'd talk for a while, call each other a few times, swear we would meet, and then I didn't hear from him. I was even driving to right near where he lived for a professional singing gig.

Then he started calling me when he had open house. He invited me to come visit him at an open house. Weird. But kind of cool because I could play it off as if I were a customer if I didn't like him, right?

He dropped off the face of the earth. Then on day he called me out of the blue. I htought he was someone else. How would I remember it was him after a month of not talking? Sure enough, it was open house again.

Then about a month later, he wrote an email to me saying he wanted my phone number because he'd like to call me. In case he didn't realize that I was the same person, I emailed copies of all the past emails we sent back and forth. I said I owuld like to hear from him as we should finally meet.

I haven't heard from him. Maybe he'll call when he has an open house on a rainy day.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Telling Sexy Secrets

Do you tell your friends about what you do intimately?
On TV shows and in movies it seems like they both show and tell all.

In real life how much is too much?

Not long ago I was engaged. I found myself getting more and more annoyed with the kinds of things my fiasco--err fiance--would tell his friends. Perhaps it was my introduction to the idea that some people are an open book where others would rather maintain confidentiality. I found myself in just this dilemma.

When I was engaged, I was a virgin. My fiasco and I agreed that we would wait until we got married before having sex. His friends had other ideas of what they wanted to share. "How do you know you'll be compatible?"
"Trust me, I know."
"Yeah, but how can you be sure?"
Then he would go on and describe exactly what we did do in great detail so that they would understand. What I wanted him to say was, "I love her and respect her. What we do or don't do in the bedroom is really none of anyone's business." That's what I would have said at the time. I was really embarrased because he was the first person I was really actively expressing anything sexual.

I'm sure you're wondering what we did do. It's not exactly advocated by any Christian dating book. OK, not at all. What we did produces the outrageous creature known as the "technical virgin." The technical virgin has done "everything but."

My fiasco suggested to me something called "Levi Lovin" some call it "outercourse." This basically means that you keep your pants on but have fun anyway. Many organizations like Planned Parenthood also recommend it as a way to prevent both pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections while enjoying some level of sexual intimacy with your partner.

When I was dating someone new not too long ago, he began introducing me to his friends. They knew things about me already. "You told your friends about me?" This isn't exactly typical guy behavior, is it? They aren't supposed to say anything about you and keep you from meeting their friends because all men are commitmentphobes, right?

How much more would they know? Would he explain about "outercourse" or "Levi Lovin'?" I mean, they are guys. I could imagine them asking him, "Did you hit it with her yet?" Or, "Have you done IT yet?

What would he say?

Sometimes I wonder if in these cases I shouldn't just say, "Tell your friends that I'm great in bed. If they ask any more questions, just smile and say you plead the Fifth." That at least gives us time to explore the relationship without having sex before I'm truly ready.

Unfortunately that comment led to him saying, "Well, we might just have to give them a little bit more to go on." I'd rather things be a little more private.

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Another One Bites the Dust

Another potentially good date goes BUST--all when I least expected it. To the guy who is reading my blog, please let this serve as a hint of what NOT to do!

Things have been cracking lately. It's one date after another. But just when I think I find something, well, wouldn't you know it? It just doesn't work out.

This one really had promise. I met a guy when I went to a museum with a group, we'll call him Jim. He was attractive and funny. We come from the same faith background. We had a great time joking around. I saw him at some other events because we run in the same circle. But one of the events he totally ignored me, so I got mad at him. I saw him at another event--we all went to a musical--and he was acting weird. I remember thinking, please God, tell me he isn't dating this girl he is sitting next to. I just left without saying anything to him. I pulled my New York trick of walking on the street to avoid the crowd.

It turns out he was dating her. But then it didn't work out, so he called a friend who then called me to ask if I could give him my number.
"OK. You're weirding me out, though. I thought he wasn't interested in me. He ignored me when we all went to the Dodger game and then he acted weird when I last saw him."
"Well, take it from me, he totally is."

He called me 5 times before we went out just for dinner on Saturday night. It was pleasant enough, but something kind of gnawed at me. Instead of talking about fun things and getting to know each other, he told me all about the relationship he had just gotten out of. Then he told me, "Do you know how many women from online I have sent an email too? I have been rejected so many times. We're talking 1000 times." What do you say to that? Here I am, a nice pretty girl sitting across from him because I am attracted to him. What do I say?

"I was seeing someone too, but then he got sick. Then I got sick. It just didn't work out. But it worked out pretty well for you because I'm available! And it worked out pretty well for me that she doesn't want to see you anymore, right? So who cares?" Apparently he does cause he wouldn't stop talking about it. He also knows exactly what he's looking for, but can't seem to find it.

All the right things were there. He opened doors--even my car door. We shared food. We even shared a cup of coffee. The conversation, quite plainly, sucked ass.

He started analyzing all the different kinds of women there are out there--and what kind of woman he thought I was. I didn't know until that moment, but being analyzed on a date is my new pet peeve.

And then there were the, ahem, naughty comments.
Jim: "Wow, if even if something were to happen tonight, I have a friend staying with me. This sucks." I said nothing in response.
Jim: "You seem like the kind of girl who would be chill with just watching a movie at someone's place."
D: "Really? That's interesting. I usually stay away from going to someone's place until I know them really well."
Jim: "If we were up near your place and had some beers, we'd be in alot of trouble."
D: "No we wouldn't I live with my parents right now."
Jim: "A man usually tries to have sex with a girl so that way he doesn't have to worry about her taking his call the next day. I can't think of a woman that I didn't think of more the day after."
D: "Really? I never thought of it that way."

Was he, how do you Americans say...laying it on thick?

The next night he called me. After hints at some bizarre fuzziness in his thinking the night before, he brought it up again. "I wish I could be everything you needed me to be. It would make things so much easier. You are so open and you don't play any games. If I were in a better place..."

This began to sound like blah blah blah blah.

"What are you trying to say?"

I don't think he even knew. I just don't think I can operate on that level of intensity all the time. So I asked Jim, "Why did you go through all the effort of tracking down my number if you were going through stuff?"

"Well, several days passed before we actually talked and got together. I don't know. Sometimes I'm so sad I want to stay in bed all day. Sometimes I want to get out and be social. And other times I get really horny and really want to be with someone."

"That's definitely TMI."

Already this is a chore. It's just not the fun I thought I would be having with Jim. He isn't what I expected at all. He's just too intense. Why not relax and have a good time?

Here I was thinking this guy asked me out when I least expected. That's supposed to be a good thing, right? It was a refreshing surprise. He said the last relationship lasted 3 weeks, that was all he could manage to get up to lately. He hoped he could get to two months on the next one. I joked that we should plan out the next couple of weeks and just have fun before we end it. I was going to joke that we should break up after Valentine's Day. It's already over as far as I'm concerned. He burned it out with such a high level of intensity. I know he thinks I don't play any games, but I told my friend all about it and asked if she could tell him I didn't want him to call me anymore.

So, guy who is reading my blog, I'm still available.

Friday, December 7, 2007

The Right Hand Ring

I wanted to celebrate graduating with my degrees in an upscale way. I hadn’t purchased a class ring because I just wasn't into them very much. I decided now was the time to do something about that.

I really enjoyed having an engagement ring when I was engaged. I loved the play of colors as they danced in the small .25 carat diamond I had chosen. When I was younger I wasn’t interested in flashy displays.

My new job sent me on a jewelry purchasing spree that I hadn’t enjoyed since, well, since I returned that sweet little engagement ring! When you return a diamond ring, all you have to do is purchase 2 times the value of what you purchased. I hardly knew what to buy, but buy I did! I still have those items and wear them often.

For my celebrate me moment, a cute diamond ring caught my eye with it two circles of small baguette diamonds surrounding 7 closely set larger baguettes. It danced in the light. Perfect. “You don’t think it looks like an engagement ring, do you?”

“Oh, no. It’s obvious that it isn’t. Engagement rings are solitaires.” The salesman smiled.

“I wouldn’t want anyone to think I’m engaged or married.”

“Oh, they won’t.” He smiled. I smiled. Pretty.

“An extra 5% off on top of 20% and another 20% for opening a new account? I’ll take it.”

I wore my little bargain on Thanksgiving. As we waited for dinner, I lounged on the couch next to my Turkey of a Guy. I don’t remember how the conversation started, but I remember how it progressed. “Hey Guy your fiance…”

FIANCE???? Oh no! No no no no no no! You don’t understand! It’s on my right hand, see!!?? It’s not a solitaire. Look. Look, look, look, look! I didn’t say any of those things, in case you were wondering.

At home I looked carefully at it in the mirror. From far away it looks like an engagement ring. It’s flashy and shiny, and people are dyslexic. They don’t stop to notice what hand it’s on.

The ring goes back!! I started looking for the box with the tags. The salesman had removed them when I bought the ring. But I asked him if I could keep them anyway. I asked about getting the ring sized because I thought it might be a tiny bit too big. I couldn’t part with it. I decided against having it sized. In doing so, I accidentally left the box with the tags. What to do? It looks like I'm stuck with it.


A jeweler describes...
What Is The Right Hand Diamond Ring?
Jewelry designed for you to declare your rights, and express your unique style.
Your left hand loves candlelight. Your right hand loves the spotlight.
Your left hand says, “I do.” Your right hand says, “I can.”
Your left hand is your heart. Your right hand is your voice.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

When You Least Expect It...

I've often heard that love comes along when you least expect it. Here we go again with another favorite theory for singles. Let me explain...

There's alot of least expecting it in my life. I never expect an internet date to amount to anything. It's not so that I can SAY I "least expected" it. It's just that I've learned not to look there. The guys are generally too shy for it to amount to anything. Sometimes you don't even end up talking on the phone because they chicken out. Freaking everybody is on the internet. That means that, just like in real life, you have to sort through a bunch of freaks.

I am a teacher. I really wouldn't expect to meet anybody at work. Sure, it might be fun to meet a cute new teacher. The other teachers that are single don't seem to be interested in me, can be rude and make sexual comments. The rest of the "men" around are and average age of 16. Gross and illegal. Would you pick any of them? Yeah, me either.

I have been a performer on and off throughout the years. I really wouldn't expect to meet anything but a bunch of drama queens and queeny boys performing. It's great to have a new shopping buddy every now and then, though!

I've joined interest group organizations and landed a few dates. But once on the dates discovered we were extremely ill matched and incredibly uncomfortable. After a string of these that I hoped would work out, rumors about me being a tease forced me to leave the organization.

I've been hit on mercilessly at salsa clubs and classes when I decided to take up a new hobby. Just not what I was looking for.

I don't expect friends to set me up. It never has worked out. If it did, I could say that, "It came out of nowhere when I least expected it."

I haven't really expected to meet a man at a bookstore, supermarket, gym, walking down the street or any other place. I have met men this way. It's just that they revealed themselves to be unsavory in one way or another. I went my merry way, much to their chagrin. Noe of them amounted to anything. But I really didn't expect it to.

After I mentioned my single state a woman demanded indignantly, "Please tell me you don't go to church just to meet men!" I don't go to church expecting to meet anyone. I had coffee with ONE guy from church last year. It had been years since and it's been a year since then. I'm sure there are quality guys at church, they just don't ask me out.

If you added up the sum total number of hours that I least expected to meet someone, that's quite a few years. Much longer than anyone else's list of "least expecting" it.

Real life is not like high school or college where everywhere you go you are meeting eligible singles near your age. You can least expect it and still meet someone.

If I were to say that I actually don't expect to find love or get married at all anymore, people would tell me that's sad. I really hope that I will sometime. I just don't EXPECT to. When I least expected it most recently, I had a couple of nice dates and then found out the guy was a little bit weird. That's the "I'd rather text than talk" guy.

I'm glad that "least expecting it" worked out for you. That's wonderful. And it makes you feel better to say SOMETHING. It's what you really BELIEVE. Wish it worked for me like it did for you! If you said this to me in real life I would smile, thank you for the advice and say, "You really ought to read my blog."

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Too Picky?

One of my favorite theories about singles is that we are too picky. Apparently, some of y'all don't understand what we have to pick from. Let me explain...

I actually had someone ask me, "What would you do if you went on some dates with a guy who was absolutely everything you wanted in all respects but was not a good kisser?"

"Where is that guy? I would go out with that guy. We could work on that. It could be fun."

Really, that's a workable situation. The guy LIKES you. He WANTS to be with you. He treats you well. Again, where IS that guy? That's not what I've had to pick from!

See, when people marry young, they are picking from a pool of young, hot, available, and mostly undamaged people. The supply seems as limitless as the possiblities for their futures. Few, if any, have children or have been married. The people who are ready, willing and able to make a commitment do so, usually as they graduate or soon after.

The one guy I was interested in would rather text than talk. We made it to three dates and I thought of having a boyfriend for the holidays. Now it's over. He works nights and doesn't seem that interested in reserving time for me. Maybe he has someone else he's interested in. Maybe it's him, not me. Would you stick it out? Me either.

I have also been hit on by a very drunk social worker who swore how much he liked me. But then I saw pictures of him all over a bunch of other girls that same night. He also talked constantly about drinking and showing up at work hung over or still drunk. Would you pick that one? Me either.

I tried going out with a guy who had 3 college age kids, severe halitosis, overweight and some health problems. I was just starting in my career and he was already talking about retirement. I liked him as a person and wanted to continue a friendship, but it was a relationship or nothing. Would you pick him? Me either.

A family friend worked really hard to set me up with someone. He teaches college and I enjoyed talking with him. He seemed interested and asked me out. Then he just stopped calling and emailing. Would you pick him? Me either.

I went on an impromptu date with a man who asked me to go back to his place or back to mine or to Vegas about 7 times. He also told me that he talked his last girlfriend into an abortion. Would you pick him? Me either.

As he walked out of a room at a conference, a guy whispered in my ear, "This is your last chance to invite me up to your room." I answered, "I can live with that." Would you pick him? Me either.

I met a single guy who called me 5 times in 3 days. He works in a factory, I have a college degree. Did I mention that he is here on a greencard and doesn't speak much English? Would you pick him? Me either.

I went out with a wealthy CPA. He took me to a nice restaurant but kept comparing me to his ex-wife and then mentioned he thought she was a bitch. Would you pick him? Me either.

There is a really great looking guy who talks about his ex-wife and says he isn't ready for anything serious again. He invited me out to a movie at the last minute and I'm sure, would have invited me to stay over. We are different religions. I haven't heard from him all week. Would you pick him? Me either.

Am I too picky or are the pickings slim?

Friday, November 30, 2007

To Blog or Not to Blog, That is the Question

If I write about someone, do I risk losing them? Is it ethical to write about someone?

When I told a friend of mine that I was writing about my most recent string of dates with the same guy, he said, "It's unChristian." Really, he was just teasing me. But he has strong feelings about this having been blogged about before. "If I know a girl I'm dating keeps a blog and she writes about me, I'm out of there."

But, what if it's something nice? What if there are no names and she is saying how much she just loooves him? Will he stop talking to me when he reads that I have quoted him?

"Listen," he counselled me. "If you like the guy, don't blog about him."

What if I keep the blog secret? What if the guy never finds it? What if someday we can laugh together about the things that went wrong?

On the other hand, what if my insights are right? What if people agree with the things I have written? What if other people take comfort in what I have written because they have gone through something similar. What if I did really like him, but now have too many questions.

It's worth the risk.


There are, of course a wide variety of freaks and wierdos that this doesn't apply to. Oh, how I wish they were so easily gotten rid of!

A Christmas Gift for my Boyfriend?

Thank God for generous return policies.

All the girly advice books tell ladies not to splurge on gifts for gentlemen. Perhaps it's a good rule, but certainly it didn't apply to me! See, for the first time in a long time, I was going to have a boyfriend for Christmas. It wasn't some guy I was seeing, but a bona fide boyfriend. My mom had expressed her hope that I would finally bring someone to a family gathering. It was right to splurge for that occaision. I wanted to celebrate!

I have been on a bit of a jewelry splurge lately, and couldn't help looking at the unique replicas of ancient pieces at the Metropolitan Museum of Art store. Something from here would be the perfect gift for a really smart guy-which he was. And there was something so wonderful about the sentences, "It's a replica of an Ethiopian Cross from the 5th century. My girlfriend got it for me." I could imagine him smiling proudly, eyes twinkling with love for me.

But then things faltered. Was it my mistake to tell him I wanted to take things slowly? It seemed like the prudent thing to do on our last date. But does it make guys lose interest? I didn't want to get scared or scare him off, or have things move too quickly in an initmate sense. I thought he was OK with it. So, while I left with thoughts of having a boyfriend this Christmas and finally having the chance to get to know someone. Perhaps he left thinking that he wasn't going to get what he wanted from me. It's happened before.

When I bought it, the adorable salesladies insisted, "Hey, this is for a man or for a woman. If you decide you don't like him, you can always keep it for yourself." They boxed, ribboned and bowed it. I couldn't wait to see him open the box on Christmas.

I laughed with them. It's a really nice piece. But everytime I would think of wearing it, I would think of him and what I hoped he would say.

"It's a replica of an Ethiopian Cross from the 5th century. My girlfriend got it for me." It just rolls off the tongue soothingly.

I'm trying to find the twinkle in his eye, the sparkle, the love, the pride that I hoped for. Instead I just feel a little pang as I think of returning that hope. I have so much to give to the right guy.

I'll just remember my little dream. Not wedding vows or dresses, but a simple joy that cost just $130.

"It's a replica of an Ethiopian Cross from the 5th century. My girlfriend got it for me."

Most likely they won't remember all this when I return the necklace to the store, but I will.


More about this guy.

Benchwarmer in the Game of Love

Last night I thought I'd be writing about getting things back on track with a boyfriend.

Now it seems like that just isn't the case. I have a friend who tells me it's normal for people to be seeing other people and doing their own thing. But it just seems like every time we are getting close again something happens that makes me pause.

He was sick with bronchitis last week, now I have a sinus infection that turned into a horrible cough. I now sound like a frog. I pretty much gave up on him last week since I felt shut out. Then he texted and called me to catch up. When it came to going out he offered, "Maybe Sunday." Via text flirting, this led to a date:

C: If I didn't have to go to work, I would bring you something.
D: Please bring some xoxo on Sunday.
C: When would you like a theraputic visit?

But today after a few promising texts, I called for the sheer entertainment value of sounding like a frog. He sang an opera chorus to me, which I really enjoyed. We both enjoy singing-an unusual quality in a man. We had a few laughs until...

Well, does it sound alarm bells off for you if a guy took the night off from work and didn't think to try to spend Friday night with you? Then suddenly Sunday wasn't certain because he may have signed up for overtime.

There is certainly something to be said for taking things slowly, but he was talking about going away next weekend, Sunday not being for certain. Did he hear the disappointment in my voice? To use sports terms, which men understand, when he took me to a wedding and I thought I was first string. Now I'm starting to feel like a bench warmer.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

What are you looking for?

Every once in awhile, some generous soul wants to try to set you up. Last time, I couldn't help joking around!

I was in the room with Cute Single Teacher and a Married Teacher. I had heard him make some casual conversation with another teacher who asked, "You look like you didn't sleep much last night. What was her name?" Men have a natural tendancy to go along with this. "Caroline." Oh great. The only cute single guy and he's kind of a jerk.

MT asked, "So, what are you looking for?"

I've heard this question before and answered honestly so many times. I just don't feel like baring my soul to well-meaning strangers anymore. Plus, it was a disaster of the first degree when I did get set up. (Should I call?)

"Someone nice. Not you." This was directed at Cute Teacher.

MT, "He's a nice guy. Seriously, what are you looking for?"

"Money. One of a man's most endearing qualities is his wallet."

"Well, looks like teachers are out."

"Yep. I'm sooo OK with that."

After that, do I think, touche, I'm soooo funny? Or do I think, Oh darn, she might have set me up with my dream man.

I've decided I'm freaking hysterical!

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Strange Dates Indeed

I went to a wedding as a 2nd date! Most peculiar, Mama!

I'm sure you want to know how I got myself into this one. I kind of do, too! Curiouser and curiouser is the rabbit hole of modern dating.

I emailed with this guy for a few months and it seemed like it was time to meet. He invited me to a halloween party last minute, but I was dressed as a man and didn't think that would be a good costume for meeting a potential new boyfriend.

But, his date cancelled on him for a wedding and he asked if I would go. We hadn't met yet. He must not know alot of girls. He was one of the groomsmen and introduced the bride and groom on grad night many years ago.

We met for lunch and hit it off, so I agreed to go. Of course, I had to buy a new dress for the occaision. I didn't think I should wear black to a wedding, though it's my favorite color. Very slimming! I settled on a cute purple Grecian number that revealed a tasteful amount of cleavage. (Yes, this is the same dress from More Dirty Old Men)

I was going to leave my house for the wedding, but decided to rinse of my dirty car first. One of my students had inscibed that age old plea WASH ME. I merrily rinsed off my car, not realizing that I had locked my keys inside of it. I tried all the doors in a panic. If only I had left the trunk open! I looked longingly at my keys in the front seat, then walked to the neighbors' in my high heels. When I was in my teens, I had noooo problem vaulting myself onto the roof via a brick wall next to the house then crawling in the window. I did this after formal dances so my parents would not catch on that I didn't get home until 3am. Or, in the case of senior prom, 5 am. My parents had that brick wall lowered just because of that. If I could do it, so could a criminal.

I was late. AAA did not put a rush order on this lockout as promised. I would have saved time by going to the car wash. I missed the ceremony. (The church choir sang. I'll bet they had the order of the mass and the bride's wishes. I really hate weddings after the one I sang at. Misunderstandings and Dirty Old Men)

C found me talking to a couple. We hugged. Then he got lost in the crowd since he was one of the groomsmen. "I'm here with C."
"Are you his wife?" Blank look. "No."
"Are you his girlfriend." Blank look. "No."
Luckily C came up with something. "We just started dating yesterday."
"Congratulations. That's wonderful." I smiled. "Thank you."

Huh? We went on a date yesterday. He introduced me around as his date to the family. "Felicidades." (I congratulated them.) To the bride and groom. "This is my date, D." Alot of hellos and nice-to-meet-yous followed.

This led to another conversation with tablemates at the reception.
"So, how long have you known C?" I asked.
"We just met him yesterday."
"Oh, that's nice. How do you know the bride and groom?"
What I really wanted to say was, "Me too."

I couldn't stay long since I had to go to a progressive dinner. He walked me to my car and kissed me sweetly. It was a perfect ending to a strange date.

How's Your Text Life?

Is it satisfying?

My text life was really happening lately, so it made me curious. What can I say?

I asked a college freshman. She really perked up. "It's great! It's always my boyfriend or my roommate." God only knows what they text about.

My text life was, I'm sure different. I was texting back and forth with my old college roommate about getting together over the holidays. Sometimes I got texts from a friend of mine from my New York days.

Mostly, I was getting text messages from the new guy I was seeing.


C: What's your schedule like? I have Thurs off.
D: Who wants to know & why?
C: Who: Me! Why: another date :)
D: I'm still thinking about that kiss.
C: Yeah, me too.


C: Got the keys to my new place, movers come on Friday.
D: Hows the packing going?
C: Barely freaking started.
D: Better get on it. That's an order!
C: Watcha gonna do to me if I disobey.
D: Send you to the pokey.
C: But I am the one with the handcuffs!
C: So how then do YOU propose to lock ME up? :-)
D: Guess I will surrender to you.
C: A wise choice my dear. :-)
D: We will have to discuss the terms of my surrender on Thurs.
C: A wise choice, my dear. I am a most beneficent dictator.


C: Hey QT! How r u?

C: Hi cutie. Workin' hard, hardly workin'. How bout you?

This is so much fun! No wonder my students keep their cell phones handy during class. I've really got to get one of those cell phones where every letter has its own button!

But then it turned into just text messages. See, I look at text messages as leading to a phone call. Or maybe as a quick substitute when you are trapped in a meeting, or have really bad reception. But isn't it just as quick to call someone and say all those same things? Maybe even quicker than a whole conversation of just text messages.

After getting a text message saying he was ill with bronchitis and a fever of 101, I called. That's when he told me that he didn't like talking on the phone because he sometimes stutters. He prefers emails, text and face to face contact. I only heard him stutter once. "Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the phone call, I really do."

He wants me to have a relationship with him based on text messages? Is that what my students do? Do they have people that they just text with?

I have such great memories of long phone conversations with my boyfriends. Since I haven't seen him in awhile now, all I have now are sorethumbs and questions. If he goes away for a weekend to visit friends, then I get text messages for two weeks because he works nights. I don't think a text life is really all that satisfying after all.

Thanksgiving with a Turkey

A turkey of a Guy that is!

I was at dinner with a group of people and ended up having a drink with Guy after. He invited me to have Thanksgiving dinner at a friend's. There were lots of singles there, some I had met before, some I had not.

I thought this guy was interested in me, but now I'm a little bit confused. He sat with me at dinner--we ended up at the kid's table. Another lady came and joined us and we dished about some of the people that we mutually knew. Eventually I asked, "What have you heard about me? Have you heard that I'm a big flirt?" Then I put my arm around Guy. He held my hand for about two minutes. Good, right?

After dinner, we went for a walk together. No hand holding, nothing. And of course leaving a party for a walk always sounds suspicious. "Wow, D, your hair is really messed up. What'd you do on that walk?" Lots of winking. "Humidity. What can I say? You found us out!"

He also drank lots of wine and tried to get me to do the same. "You need to drink some more. You need to get drunk." My response? "No thanks, I'm still hung over from last night. I had nightmares about some lady trying to kill me with her steel bottomed boots. Then Snoopy's house came flying through to announce The End."

Then Guy invited me to drop by his brother's place and see his house that is totally being remodelled. Sure, why not? He showed me around, pointed out all the things that he was proud of. He also planned to keep the cabinets in the kitchen. It was a complete mess. I'm sure it's going to be great later on. But it wasn't what he had described to me. It sounded like a palace. I guess a man's home is his castle. Plus, it was the house he grew up in, so he's attached to it.

We were alone together. Nothing happened. I was thinking that would have been a great time for a little kiss. Nothing.

He took a bottle of wine with him to his brother's place. I drove. I had about half a glass of it, he had the rest. He brought the bottle for himself.

Sitting at his brother's place was quite an experience. They were really nice to me and wanted to know all about me. They made me sing for them. Of course they told me it gave them goosebumps and were very complimentary--always a bonus with me. :)

We also gave him a hard time about the cabinets. I told him if his mother were still alive, she would say, "Why are you doing this to me? Change the cabinets." His brother heartily agreed.

Guy has seven brothers and sisters. He made me talk on the phone to another one of his brothers. "Please tell him to change the cabinets."
"Who is this?"
"Yes, but tell me about yourself. How do you know Guy?"
"I met him about a month ago at a dinner."
"Well, praise God, that's terrific."

Praise God? Oh no no no no no. It's not like that. I met him a month ago and hadn't seen him until yesterday. Now I feel like I'm being introduced around like a girlfriend. What?

I had to get out of there. "Wow. Look at the time. Should I drop you off at home or make you walk because your mother would really want you to change those cabinets?"

I dropped him off. No kiss. Not even a hug. Not even an attempt. I guess I'm already his ex-girlfriend. I'm so OK with that.

Anyone want my Turkey leftovers?

digg story

Friday, November 23, 2007

Freaky Weirdo Strikes Again

Why is this guy STILL writing to me? Did the Lord tell him I am the one??

Hi! Happy thanksgiving.
I am thankfull for my Church, family, job and you.
I am Haveing a happy, cheerfull day: thank God for people, work, members of a loving church: www.whywouldyousendmethewebsiteofyourchurch?.com

I am cooking a turkey, yes, red hot and steaming!! (Oh just what I need, another Turkey of a guy!)
I have a personal web page, more of my story at
or www.IamanalcholicanthoughtIwouldtellthestoryofhowIbecameaChristianonline.com

Happy thanksgiving
Freaky Weirdo


Yes, I checked out the website. Of course I did! I can't believe he would still write to me. I don't know if there is a way to block this guy from sending me emails, but I will find it. Maybe I should just tell him to stop writing to me.

Earlier emails from Freaky Weirdo

Sunday, November 18, 2007

First impressions

My last two chats. I am now invisible:

5: What site do I know you from.
D: You don't remember? I sent you an email with my picture. I'm so hurt. :'(
5: Now I remember. Cute. Busty?
D: Why do guys always look there?
5: Because they look right back.
D: R u a perv?
5: Why? Because I love boobs?


PervDr: I used to date a teacher from your school.
SavvyD: What's her name?
PervDr: Marilyn
SavvyD: Last name?
PervDr: I've said enough.
SavvyD: But then I could ask for a reference.
PervDr: For what? My dick size?
SavvyD: That's circumference. (What an idiot. I logged out.)
PervDr: It's girth that matters isn't it?
PervDr: Do you give a good massage?
PervDr: I guess you are gone. Bye.


Yes, gone forever.

There was a chat I engaged in on MySpace that had the same themes. How do you look naked? Can I have a picture of your body? Chat is the least classy way of getting to know someone. But then, you've seen the pervy guys who try to meet underage girls online. I love Dateline NBC for exposing those guys. There's something comforting about anonymity that makes these guys go that direction. There is such a thing as a healthy interest in sex, but getting pervy online rather than meeting with someone and developing a relationship spells serious psychosis.

I'm sure you're wondering why I was chatting with these guys in the first palce? Let me explain. "5" was a random surprise. I got rid of him very quickly. The other guy "PervDr" was a guy I went on a date with a year ago. We met at Red Lobster and I had a sneaking suspicion that he was an alchoholic and a pervert. He had two drinks and had driven out of the area despite being ON CALL at the hospital where he worked. He talked about alchohol alot. He also mentioned a "friend" of his who went on some sexual tourism trip despite being married. I thought that was gross and told him so.

I always trust my gut feelings about people, but thought "Hey, I could be wrong and I'm not seeing anyone right now." Boredom and curiousity won out. I was hoping for a dinner date somewhere in there, but he comfirmed my initial impressions of him. One of his first questions on our year later chat was, "What do you like to drink?" Then he confirmed his perviness even without a date.

It just goes to show that you should always trust your first impressions. People are more honest than you could ever imagine--and with very little prompting. Just listen.

Sunday, November 11, 2007


Why do guys keep cutting and pasting the same email to all the girls? Why don't they just post their picture online and actually pay for membership so we know they already wrote to us.

Original Message (Sent Sep 17, 10:25 AM)

Hey: How are you doing! I just read your profile and would like to know more about you. You sounded very friendly, fun, and outgoing all around. It is not easy these days to find a girl like you who has so many wonderful qualities. Anyways, I definitely would like to know more about you. Feel free to tell me about yourself, such as your interests, hobbies, likes and dislikes, and what you are looking for in a person of interest. You can also write me to al at yh or here is fine. I hope to hear from you soon! A

Original Message (Sent Sep 24, 12:35 AM)

Hi A

Thanks for your sweet note. You sound pretty cool yourself. My profile was pretty all-inclusive. I am as fabulous as I sound. LOL.

I think we are all looking for the same thing, someone who we are attracted to on a number of levels, and see the world from a similar point of view in enough ways to get along. How about you?


Hi D:

Thanks for the reply! I am looking for the same things as mentioned by you. Someone who is open minded, easy to get along, sharing similar interests and views, and facing new paths and challenges together. By the way, do you sing opera? That must be pretty fun. Singing makes one happy all the time. How was your weekend? Did you do anything interesting and fun? Well, have a great day and I hope to hear from you soon!



I am no longer a member at XXXXX so I can't
see your pictures anymore. Can you send it to me
through email? You can see my pictures at
for your convenience. It is a little simple website I
created for myself. Hope you like it.

It has been cooler with the exception of today. I
think the temperature will hit 90 degrees by noon
according to the forcast. The change of season is
here. Did you have a good Summer?


I wrote back to him after he sent me his webpage. I must have erased the email. We were in touch the year before and never met. I don't remember why. But then he didn't even remember me from the previous time. Are they insincere, forgetful or desperate? It's hard to say!

Let's look at the emails together:

First, we couldn't figure out what dating service we had written to each other. Then I was going through a really hard time with work.

A wrote:
Hi D:

How are you doing! I am sorry that it took me so long
to email you back with pictures. You must be very
curious of how I look like. It is just school and
Master's program got me really busy this week for some
reason, and traffic is not good in the Summer time.
Anyways, I should have managed my time better still.
You can see my pictures at
for your convenience. It is just a little website I
made for myself. Hopefully you will like it. Don't
forget to answer the questions I asked from the
previous email. They will definitely help me to know
more about you. Also, were you born in 77 and that
was why it appears in your screen name? Have a great


Thanks A, I totally understand about the MA taking over your life. It's tough. What are you studying? Please don't htink I am being completely shallow about wanting to see a picture, it's just that once I made the mistake of meeting someone without a picture at all and it just wasn't fair to me to meet him and find out then that he had been burned in an accident. Other time people postpone and you never meet because they are embarrassed or perhaps you might not be attracted. Honesty about everything is just the best policy. 77 is a number that people don't usually use, 7 is the number for heaven and Godly things, and the name of a band I used to like. We'll have to get to the other questions another time as I only have this one open now. Is it important to have answers to those particular questions before you meet someone?

Talk to you soon,


I remember now, he asked alot of questions, demanded answers and then I just stopped hearing from him. Not only that, it was annoying. The messages are the old style with the arrows, so they get really messy to repost.

This isn't the first guy to engage in these antics, and he won't be the last. They ought to know that we're onto them and cut it out.

Love Greencard Style

This guy made me uncomfortable because he was:
a. desperate for a wife
b. desperate for a greencard

Here are the "greatest hits" of our emails so you can share with me the most gory details. He certainly hammered at his point of voice and video being the only way to get to know someone. Apparently I like to hide behind words and am not truly serious about finding someone. Never mind that his situation is bizarre, desperate and unusual. Never mind that I didn't feel we were a match because he couldn't see the humor in some of my stories. Never mind that he didn't seem to think I was funny at all. Never mind that he didn't get me at all or that I'm just kidding about doing research for a screenplay. It's called a conversation starter...the guy should say something like, "Haha, you're really witty. Let's do some research together." Who knows, maybe someday I will write a screenplay.

Original Message (Sent Oct 03, 3:41 PM)

Hi D!

Your profile information is interesting and your photo is attractive. I am interested in getting to know you. You seem to be the person that I would like to pursue a personal dialogue with and see where that may lead. If you like my profile, and if you believe there could be potential for a friendship that may lead to a serious relationship, then I really look forward to hearing from you.



Original Message (Sent Oct 08, 2:44 AM)

Hi Tor, what's up in Sweden? I don't know if you would like it here. Alot of the time I don't even like it here. I keep thinking I would be happier if I moved back to New York City (New Amsterdam to you--just kidding). You sound so serious about finding someone. I'm surprised you haven't found anyone already. I have found it difficult to take anyone too seriously. I had a boyfriend from the internet and we had a relationship for 8 months. He was the first person I met from the internet. He was a great guy, but 14 years older than me with 3 kids, so I seemed like a baby to him. He is married to someone who didn't mind all of that. Since then, everyone got on the internet and I haven't had much luck from meeting people on the internet.

I have stuffy interests and a fun personality. I love to laugh and joke around.
My family comes from Spain. I have never visited, but am hoping to go this summer--Italy too since I studied Italian. I don't know a single word in Swedish unless it's in the IKEA catalog!! What's your personality like?

Take care!


Original Message (Sent Oct 08, 9:54 AM)

Hi D!

Thanks for responding to my message. You have a wonderful smile and intelligent eyes. (DUH!!)

How are you involved in church today? How has Jesus impacted your life?

Are you employed to research for an enterntainment script? (Is direction given by either Joel&Ethan Cohen, or by Woody Allen?) Or what do you do actually? What is your environmental science degree and from whch university?

Why would I not like it where you live? I have visited there many times, it has many great places to live and raise a family.

D, why on earth would you have attempted a serious relationship with a married guy with 3 children? Why even attempting as a Christian a serious relationship with someone who is divorced?! I regard Christian desperation for a husband a good thing because without a passionate longing for a husband I would not be interested, but the desperation should neither deviate from wisdom nor Scripture.

I have often said that I need a latino wife -- someone who can express passion and emotion. I need someone who can show that she needs me.

Are you a trained singer?

I look forward to knowing more about you. If we communiate on Skype you will know more of my personality than words on screen.



Original Message (Sent Oct 11, 1:18 AM)

He wasn't married. I don't play that game. I don't think it's a very friendly place because we all drive so far. The stuff about doing research for a film is a joke not to be taken literally. I like to joke around alot.

What is Skype? I'm not a big fan of online chatrooms or messenger programs. I get bored because most times people have multiple chats going on and you are just one of them. Lots of dead time=boring.


Original Message (Sent Oct 11, 9:48 AM)

I don´t like chats either.

If you would like to talk (voice - as in telephone) then please contact me on Skype. Christians misrepresent themselves just as much as anyone else, but it is more difficult to hide behind the Christian pretence in a voice- and video conversation.

If you are serious about Christian relationships, and not also in relationships just joking around, then Skype is the next connecting point between us. I have provided you with my contacts. You are welcome to call me on Skype.



Original Message (Sent Oct 12, 1:00 AM)

Would you mind explaining how skype works?

I don't have video or know how to use the internet for making phone calls. I am serious about relationships, but I like to laugh about things when I can find the humor in the situation.

Take care,


Original Message (Sent Oct 12, 6:51 AM)

Hi D!

I understand your point. Emotions and intent are more easily interpreted in a voice conversation. Look forward to hearing you.


Original Message (Sent Oct 14, 2:01 PM)

Hi Tor,

You should have a look at my blog which definitely gives insight into the kind of person I am. I write about funny things, sad things and sometimes get on my soapbox. www.savvysinglechristian.blogspot.com I am something of a writer, even if I am not a great one, so I think alot about me comes out in my writing.

I am a bit overwhelmed at work since I started a new job. If writing for awhile isn't worth your time, I understand.

Take care,

Original Message (Sent Oct 27, 7:27 AM)

Hi D!

I have now read several of your candid writings on your blog. Sorry about your ankle injury. Sorry also to hear of your misfortune in online dating. I guess if you had immediately steering that grandpa into the Skype you would have known to not pursue him (or I guess he was pursuing you. In a voice- and video conversation, pretence and misrepresentation are more difficult.

I am now comitted to finding my escape from Sweden by commencing marriage and family and career elsewhere, through internet. I decided to commence a full-time job searching for a Christian wife on internet upon my return to Sweden from Canada. So while you have little time, I have recently dedicated 40 hrs/week to finding love and marriage and family.

I hope that you will find at least a microphone for your computer soon.



Original Message (Sent Oct 30, 2:39 AM)

Hi Tor,

I think you can tell alot about a person without even getting into Skype. The grandpa unearthed himself as a bit of a weirdo within just 2 or 3 emails. Not much effort.

Sorry about your hips. That sounds more painful than an ankle and much harder to ice.

Do you think any of my entries on my blog are funny?

I have to be honest, I don't mind keeping in touch with you as pen pals and casually meeting someday, but I wouldn't be able to stop myself if I met someone out here, something which I keep hoping will happen.

I do agree with you, often the first few words on the phone have been enough to let me know that I didn't feel comfortable enough with someone to follow through with meeting them. (But I was thinking that sometimes you don't even need that!)

Take care,

Message: Hi D,

I am searching for a woman who is sincerely searching for a husband. I believe from your last letter that you are not ready for marriage. If one is uninterested in developing communication, nothing will happen. Hiding behind words on a screen is easy. As with many Christian girls on single-sites, there may be a longing but little reality congruency. I leave you at your dream-world, D.

If you believe in God´s possibilities, then you will contact me by speaking.



It couldn't possibly be that there's something creepy and weird about him, could it?

Of course, part of his motivation for getting out of Sweden has to do with persecution of Christians. Although the persecution of Christians saddens me, I don't want to be personally involved in a romantic way when there are so many red flags. He also mentioned none of this in his letters to me. There was alot of pressure and a sense of urgency which I didn't share.

I'm ready for a relationship with the right person. Something just didn't feel right. Alot of things didn't feel right. I've learned to trust my feelings.

More Dirty Old Men

So I wore a purple dress that showed a little cleavage. Is that so wrong?

Actually, to be honest, I kind of didn't care what anyone thought of me because I had just had a date with a guy I like. The purple dress was really for him.

I went to a progressive dinner where we had people of all ages. I was having a good time laughing, joking around and singing at the table. I also showed off my halloween costume by passing around my cell phone. Some of the guys seemed interested in this. "I'll bet it's something really sexy." Ummm...well, actually it was me as a man!

Perhaps I had been too cute when I asked, "So, you guys have been moving from table to table together, can you introduce each other?" They did. One guy was in construction--something about cranes and multimillion dollar sites. He lives near me and went to a rival high school. The one that gave me his card is loaded. He owns several restaurant chains and sells franchises. He's also old. "Wow, you have a really beautiful voice. I love your laugh." Something about having that voice in his bedroom came right after. "Look, you made her blush!" exclaimed one of the other girls. Wouldn't you know it, the oldest guy there took out his card and handed it to me in front of everyone. "Give me a call sometime. I'll take you out and I'll show you a really nice time." I put the card on the table. How do I get out of this one?

After the dinner, a group of us decided to get some drinks at another place. One of the guys was named Bill, so I sang "Come on and marry me Bill!" I love oldies, just not old men. Ising when I'm happy and I love to dance. Someone asked, "Do you dance when you vacuum?" "Of course I do! And I sing, too. I'm a domestic diva!"

Another Geezer who is a "consultant" asked, "Why don't you come vacuum at my place?"

"What kind of girl do you think I am? I don't just go around vacuuming for every guy!"

Next thing I knew, everyone was saying goodnight and I was alone with him. I guess he likes saucy girls. He started bragging about his car and invited me to go do something fun. "My car can go 150."

"Will you let me drive it?"
"You're not going to crash it are you?"

We walked hand in hand to his car--I couldn't wait to drive the thing. Holding hands with him was maybe a dumb move.

"So, do you have kids?"
"I have one. She's 30."
"I'm your daughter's age."
"Good. Then we're fine for dating. I only date girls that are between 25-35."
"Why not older?"
"They don't like to do fun things like the young ones."
"I don't know if I agree. I knew this lady in her 50s, she was hot and alot of fun."
"I would have to disagree."
"No really, she rode a Harley and had great legs. She worked for my optometrist."

I got the car up to 100 before I started freaking out a little. I missed the place where we were going to turn around and go back. Next thing I knew, he was asking for more. "We're already halfway to Vegas, why don't we just go there?"
I laughed. "No."
"What's to stop us?"
"I'm not that kind of girl. I don't vacuum for just anyone."
"We can get separate rooms. Don't you like Vegas?"
"I don't gamble."
"I don't either. I just like to go and have fun and drop $400,000."
Tempting. "Are you sure you don't want to go?"
"I would have to stop at home."
"What's at home that we can't buy in Vegas?"
"What kinds of things?"
"Personal things."
"What kind of personal things?"
"That's personal." (Let's see, thyroid medicine, antidepressants from dealing with my horrible love life...actually I went on them after a concussionjacked up my brain. In other words, none of his damn business. Oh wait, he probably wanted to hear something kinky!)
"Why don't you just take me to your place?"
"No." (I make the ooooooo really long.)
"That wasn't the right answer."
"What do you mean? I said no."
"You were supposed to say yes."
I was thinking, yeah right. Actually, it might have been a great way to get rid of him since my place is a complete national disaster area.
"No." Ha ha. Giggle. This guy is really annoying.

We turned around finally.
"So where are we heading?"
"Back to my car."
"Why don't we go to my place first. I'll take you back to your car in the morning."
"No. I go really slow."
"Are you sure? I'm just 6 miles that way."
"Come on. I'll show you a really nice time."
"You're very persistent."
This wouldn't be a good time to tell him that I have very little experience in that department. I'm sure he'd be very patient and understanding. Yuck.

Then he started telling me about his last relationship with a 30 year old. She got pregnant. He told her he didn't want any part of it. She had an abortion. They had an agreement. No marriage, no kids.

"This is your last chance. All you have to do is turn to the left."
"I told you I don't vacuum for just any guy."
"I'm not any guy. I'm THE guy."
"Unless I want to get married and have a family."

You'd think that would have shut him up. But he was talking from his pants. Why on earth would he think he's offering anything I want? Oh, maybe it was the Grey Goose and cranberry.

I pulled up next to my car. "Listen, if you ever want to go to Vegas, just let me know. I'll take you. Just give me a call." I was thinking up fake numbers. I should have given him a mouthful of cheek, but I let him kiss me so I could make a clean getaway. It was a terrible kiss. Forceful.

"You don't think I'm going to let you walk back to your car by yourself, do you?"
"It's right next to this one." Giggle. This guy was on my last nerve.
"Goodnight." I slipped in my car and drove off as fast as I could thanking my lucky stars that he hadn't given me his card and hadn't asked me for my number.

Clearly this purple dress is very dangerous.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Cut and Paste

How many girls do you think got this same email from this guy?

i just signed in to this site,am James just now i saw your profile and i really like what you wrote about yourself.
Im a single man, who really want to love and be loved.Infact i would like to know more about you,just maybe we could get to meet each other,and probably maybe you are the one i came here to find .Smilessssssssss

Cant wait to hear from you soonest.Take care of yourself.you can kindly contact me at jmsm underscore73atyahoodotcome.thanks God bless you

Oh, yeah, the profile was really BORING and he's ways older than me, too. There is no picture. He probably won't even remember me if I wrote to him because he sent this to as many girls as he could. It's a clear case of cut and paste.

Modern Love Poem

A love poem for the rest of us.


I'm honestly busy these days.
I think that love can wait.
I'll tell her I'm thinking of her.
She'll just keep taking the bait.

I wonder what she's doing tonight.
I wonder if she's with someone else.
One of these days maybe, just maybe,
I'll take her out myself.


He says he's thinking of me.
I wonder what it could be.
Is it my eyes, my hair, my smile?
I wish he'd tell me please.

He asks me out every email,
I've got enough hope to drown.
One of these days maybe, just maybe,
He'll finally come around.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Misunderstandings and Dirty Old Men

I was hired to sing at a wedding and met the family at a rehearsal dinner. Then the drama began.

I thought I had a great time meeting this family. After all, this was the family of a friend of mine. Some people I already knew were there and I was affectionate. I'm Latina, we hug and kiss people.

As I was saying goodnight to people, there were many hugs and kisses as are the usual custom. I don't remember half of the people.

I'd love to say that the singing went off without a hitch, but there was some backstage drama. It also started about 20 minutes late. The organist handed me the music to the mass 20 minutes before we were supposed to start and wouldn't go over it with me. Then tried to hand me different responses in Spanish halfway through the mass. I got lots of compliments on the Ave Maria. There was, again, some hugging and kissing. In fact, the father of the bride hugged me twice.

I got to the reception and nothing had started yet. There were excessive amounts of pictures to take and my friend who had hired me pulled me aside. She told me to go easy on the hugging because someone's wife got uncomfortable.


"I've waited a really long time to meet the right person. I'm not going to throw that away by going after someone that belongs to someone else."

"I just wanted you know. I've known this family for a long time now and they're special if you get what I mean. They're kind of funny with outsiders. Plus I wanted you to know in case anyone is weird with you."

I was a little bit weirded out and upset. I found myself in the bar spilling my guts out to a bartender over a soda. She thought it was ridiculous. Some of the groomsmen came in. One looked away when I looked, so I looked away. When I looked back, he looked away again. Was he the guy? I had two groomsmen to my right. I slipped out of there.

As I walked out into the foyer, I ran into my friend's husband touched my arm to stop me. "I wanted to tell you how beautiful the Ave Maria was." He touched my arm. "I know it's hard to believe, but you made me cry." He touched my arm again. I smiled and said, "Thank you so much." I started freaking out. What if someone got the wrong idea from him touching my arm? "Have you seen -----? I have to find her." He was needed somewhere for some pictures, so I was able to make a clean getaway.

I ran into the father of the bride. I thought I might be safe there.

"How is your ankle?"
"OK, I'm not wearing my boot. I taped it instead. See?"
"I noticed. Here are some kisses for your ankle for it to get better." He blew some kisses at my feet.
"Oh, thank you."
"All you need is some kisses and a massage and you will feel better."
"If you find a nice single guy my age, let me know."
"Does he have to be your age?"
"No, I guess not. As long as he's nice."
"Does he have to be single?" He opened his arms to indicate his willingness to help me heal.
I smiled and laughed. "Oh, yes, he does have to be single. That wouldn't be fair since you already have a wife. I should get my own guy, right? By the way, have you seen -----? I really need to find her."

I slipped away to find ----- and then sort of hid in a changing room. I had been invited to stay for the reception. I had even looked forward to the possibility of meeting someone there or something, but now I felt too uncomfortable. I could have laughed off the father of the bride if it hadn't been for an unfounded accusation. The only kind of woman who would get jealous that someone had hugged and kissed her husband in the midst of hugging and kissing many other people would be a woman with a cheating man. And cheaters apparently run in the family.

This was too much drama for a bunch of people that weren't my family. I made my escape. I thought about telling -----, but after the accusation I heard coming through her, I didn't think she would believe me.

My cousin thinks I was exaggerating about the father of the bride, but I don't. All it takes is for the woman to be willing. I didn't feel like playing to find out if it was a bluff or a joke. I don't think it's hard to figure out that if it sounds like a come on and feels like a come on, it probably is.

I'm also still trying to figure out if he's the father of the bride or the grandfather of the bride.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

I'm just not that into you

Sometimes it's OK to call a guy. Some examples of OK include when you just aren't that into him as a date, but wouldn't mind being friends.
I called him when I knew he couldn't call me back. So he emailed me.
His email:

From: R
To: D
Sent: Friday, October 26, 2007 12:06:31 AM
Subject: Re: From R
Hey D,

First off I wanted to apologize for missing your phone call. You can always get a hold of me at (999) 999-9999. That's my cell phone number. At the time I was in class, and I was preparing for several exams, but I have been thinking about you. I would like to go out for lunch or dinner with you if you would like to. I will give you a call tomorrow. Have a nice night :) and take care!


Honestly it sounds like lie, lie, lie, lie, la la la la la lie, lie la la lie.
My nonchalant, non-commital response:


Hi R,

I thought I was calling your cell when I called, oops! I've been really busy this week and am superbusy this weekend with singing at a wedding and family coming into town for the weekend. Dinner sounds great. We'll have to actually make a plan. You're supposed to be at home waiting for my phone call. What gives? ;)

Talk to you soon,

-------------------------- ---

I left out the part where I was not at work because I had a stomach flu. Gross. And still feeling it a little bit.

Honestly, I don't know why I bothered. I've already written him off as a potential date. OK, let me be honest, I found him attractive. The thought of actually going out with him sounded nice. The thought that he was actually going to call also sounded a little bit nice. THe thought of kissing someone I am attracted to also sounds a little bit nice.

What I can't get over is when people say they are going to call and don't for days on end. I wouldn't want a boyfriend like that. The other thing I can't get over is that one of the times he said he was going to call me, he did keep his word but called really late.

I love how in his email he is sure to let me know that I can reach him any time. Right. He's got my number and knows how to use a phone. If I can reach him anytime, then he can certainly pick up his phone and call me anytime. Thank God for the cell phone, because I would really hate to have been a girl in the 1950s waiting for some stupid boy to call.

I've got a better idea. Instead of going out and me waiting around for a phone call from this guy, why don't we break up now so we can be friends.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Should I call?

I actually met a really nice guy last Sunday and we exchanged info. He's even already met my parents, so I don't have to worry about the future embarrassment. BUT, there's a reason why I just don't get excited anymore.

He's not married. For sure not. Don't even worry about that.

It's just that...well, sometimes you meet someone nice and nothing happens.

I've been trying not to get excited about this for months. I'll go back to the beginning.

A few months ago, a family friend called to say she wanted me to apply for a job at the tutoring place where she was working. So I did. But they were kind of cheap, unscrupulous asked illegal questions in the hiring and application process and then asked me to find my own substitute for a position, so I didn't end up working for them. Then I found out the REAL reason this friend wanted me to work there. She wanted me to meet a guy who worked there. He is a professor and teaches there part time. She said she could "just see" us together.

Oh Gawd. My first thoughts and questions: Are you sure he's really single? Are you sure he's really looking for someone? Normal stuff to wonder about.

My next thought was about the only other time someone set me up. My mom. Yes, that's right, my mom set me up and it was a disaster. She loved this guy. He was one of her favorite people in the whole world. We went to church together, then he was supposed to take me to lunch after. He said he had to take his sister home first. So I go home and sit there for an hour and a half while I was totally starving. Finally I called. "Oh, sorry. I ate with my sister and then I fell asleep." I can't remember any of the rest of our conversation after that. Blah blah blah, I'm pathetic was what it sounded like. What a jerk. My mom was pissed.

Well, a couple of months later, he calls all nicey nice and asks me out to dinner, but he has to go to a meeting first. I was flattered about dinner, not thilled about the meeting, but in the name of second chances I went. I'm glad I did. He showed that he was one of the jerkiest jerks ever. The meeting was for Century 21, otherwise known as Amway. Great God almighty. As soon as I figured out that he was actually going to try to recruit me, I was out of there. I still remember him standing in the hallway saying, "But what about dinner."

He actually had the nerve to call us to wish us a Happy Thanksgiving. I told him, "Don't call again." He asked why. How dumb could he be?

Back to the current guy...

My family friend was sneaky. She had called him months ago when I was there saying she was planning on having a party. Why me?

Finally, when I had forgotten all about this episode, she threw a surprise party for her daughter. I walked in rather innocently and then there was this cute guy there, who I figured out to be him. But I did find out that he was, "Very single." according to him. We actually hit it off. I doubt he knew about the machinations of this woman. Once he left the party, I got the commentary. It seemed like everyone who was there knew what was up.

"He was talking with you the whole time, that's good."
"We all knew. She said all she could do was hope you two hit it off. It seems like it worked."
"Did you exchange information?"
"Yes, we did. I'll let you know if anything happens."

Guess I don't have to tell them anything. OK, maybe a little. He said he was going to email me that night to get the addy for my blog. (Something which I now won't give.) I went off to do other fun things that day. I even told someone that I thought I met someone special that day.

He didn't write that evening, but he did write.

Here's his note:
Dear D,

It was truly a pleasure to have met you. I'm sorry for not E-mailing you sooner. I enjoyed your company very much. I hope you had a pleasant weekend, and I hope you enjoyed your ----------ing. If you ever would like to do brunch or anything, feel free to let me know and we can set something up. Take care for now, and I hope you have a pleasant week.



Hi Robert,

I did have fun -----------ing! I even got a picture. It was nice meeting you too. It's always nice meeting friends of friends because they are usually also nice. ----- and my mom have been friends for a long time now and we always celebrate with each other. It would make me happy to share your company again. Hope you are having a good week. Though students cause troubles, they also cause joys. I have experienced both this week.

Talk to you soon,



I thought this left things nicely open and in his court. Trouble is...I'm wondering if he ever got it. I mean, if this lovely note found its way to his junkmail folder, then he might think that I didn't write. Or maybe he got it and isn't sincere. Maybe he got it and is now in the hospital due to a nasty flu. Perhaps, as happens with many teachers, he got buried under a pile of papers. Maybe he met someone else. (Unlikely, but it did happen to me once. I regret that relationship and wondered what happened to the first guy when I found his card a year later in one of my mystery piles.) Maybe he figured out that we were set up, found it patently offensive and junked the idea of going out with me even though he was attracted to me.

To call or not to call, that is the question. If the answer is to call, when? When he can't answer? When would that be? Voicemails can get lost in the ether just like emails can. Modern love. There was no mistaking someone coming by to "call" on you in the days before telephones, email, voicemail, text messages and answering machines. The more ways we have to connect, the more possibilities we have of losing our connection.

Do I give up on that feeling of having met someone special? Or do I give it a shot on behalf of all the effort my family friend put into this setup? Do I risk that stupid feeling of calling and finding out something I don't want to know? Do I surrender to the tenents of "he's just not that into you?" I keep thinking that life is a little more complex than that when other things happen and we've been burned a few times and are cautious with our hearts.


I called. He had recieved my email today he said and was going to call me tonight after I gave him my cell phone number. He sounded nice. First, he did call me back using his cell phone, but then promised he would call back this evening. He didn't. I was really hopeful. Like I said, there is a reason why I just don't get excited.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Just for ha-has

Here's what happens when I invite people to read my blog.

On Sep 11, 8:03 am, DivaD77 wrote:

Why are people so STRANGE???? I'm not being too picky, there are just alot of freaks and weirdos out there!!!

On Sep 11, 11:18 pm, Red Iron wrote:

Hi there. I'm a new kid on the block, although my days of being a kid are fairly long gone. The good thing is..... I am not one of the wierdos. I belong to that very average species: the middles aged, middile management, middle class, family man. My wife is the religious one in the family: she takes care for and provides food for our souls and I take care of the food for the body. We have two daughters and are (in my opinion) a very ordinary family. Possibly too ordinary and thus "boring"


Oct 18, 2:30 am, DivaD77 wrote:

You sound very nice and normal. That's why you are married. You
aren't a weirdo. No consolation to us single folks. Just reinforces
the idea that all of the good ones are taken.

Sprained Ankle Adventures, 2

It's been a few weeks and I am still wearing the boot. I hate it, but it's become a part of me.

As a teacher I think of confiscating a wide variety of student items--especially things I like. I kind of want a pink mini Ipod. I probably wouldn't even use it, but I see the kids using them and they look soooo cute and so practical. I always joke about this kid of thing. Some of them don't think it's funny.

Scooters are really popular these days. One of my students let his fall to the floor so that it was actually a danger. Someone (me) could have tripped on it. So I picked it up and was seized with a sudden desire to ride it. In my classroom. So I did. I picked it up and rode it back an forth a few times while that student was flirting with another student. He was so focused on helping her that he didn't even notice me scooting back and forth behind him and then turning around. Alot of other students didn't notice either. I even stuck my leg out behind me like and ice skater. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. "Hey, I really need one of these things. I don't think you're even supposed to have them at school. I might have to confiscate it."
"Oh, no Miss, please don't. I need it to get around."
"I understand. It's kind of fun, but I think I might need it more. It's easier than walking right now. Where can I get one?"
"I got mine at Walmart for like $20."
"No way. $20!? I'm so there."

How many high school teachers does anyone know who would ride a scooter around campus?

Well, me, I guess.

I also have to pull a few "do as I say and not as I do" type lectures when another student got the brilliant idea to also ride the scooter in class. The last thing I need is for him to break his nose under my care.

"But Miss D, how come you can do it and I can't?"

"Because I'll be careful. It's not like I'm going to ride my scooter through the halls when it's full of students. I'm going to use it to take up the attendance when there's no one around."

I actually ran into a student from my substitute teaching days. She was working behind the counter and rang up my scooter. She thought it was pretty cool too. And yes, I used the cart again.

I do hate the boot. It's not nearly as cute as my shoes. But then again, it's been inspiring and fun to ride the carts and buy a scooter to get around. I can't wait for the funny looks to begin.

My foot on the cart at Lowe's a very fun place to ride a cart on a Monday night.
Lots of friendly people and the cart was pretty fast.

I gave myself frostbite from an ice pack. Not so fun. Check out my blister and the discoloration on the skin.

Sunday, October 7, 2007

Sprained Ankle Adventures

I sprained my ankle at work. I have to wear a freaking BOOT! It's ugly, but it's kind of fun.

At first I thought my ankle didn't hurt that much... Well, I was wrong!

The first time I sprained my ankle, I was wearing some supercute sparkly aqua blue heels. At work. Yes, I'm an idiot. But I used to wear them in NYC walking down the sidewalk and this didn't happen! But, then, there isn't enough grass in NYC for you to step in so that the heel of your supercute sparkly aqua blue shoes sinks into the sod and makes your ankle wobble. What possessed me to wear those to SCHOOL? (See pictures, there are the naughty shoes--ahem just one plus an ugly boot.)

I am a new teacher, I didn't want to report anything. I got an ice pack from the nurse and made her promise not to tell.

That was dumb. So much for being savvy.

The next week I was walking confidently across the parking lot to take the attendance. It was the evening of our back to school night. I stepped on a rock near where they are doing construction. My ankle rolled. This time I didn't hold back. Then they sent me to the freaking clinic. I was seriously not amused. I pouted.

I was good and wore the darn thing. My students seriously had fun with this. Miss D, be careful how you walk in that thing or you'll end up with a goofy foot."
"My foot? What do I care about my foot when the rest of me is already goofy?"

"Miss D, this is how you walk."

"Yeah, I do. Walk this way. No really, walk THIS way." Exaggerated limping.

"Miss D, how come you get to sit and put your foot up and I can't?"

Why do I think it's funny that my latest nickname is Hop-a-log Cassidy? Or that one of my students pretends she is injured, too.

I was good and wore the boot until Saturday. I wasn't hurting, so I decided that I must not really need the boot. I taped up my ankle and went shopping. OUCH ALMIGHTY! Vanity is definitely not Savvy. You can bet I wore that thing today. I went shopping again, with little ouchies from yesterday. Luckily I can stuff an ice pack in there.

I even shoved vanity aside and rode the little cart at Target. People were seriously looking at me funny. So I put my foot up to show off my boot. Seriously, the guys that work there all want to ride that thing, and now I know why! It's fun! It beeps when you back up. Anytime I had to wait in line, I would just put my foot up. The security guard smiled and waved at me as if to say, "Lucky, smart girl." I just smiled back, put my foot up on the cart and leaned back a little bit. I even made a girl that works at Target walk out with me. She got to ride the thing back. "Hey, all the guys are gonna be so jealous." She smiled as she got on it. "Yeah, but I bet all of these people think I'm just goofing off."

I might go back to Target tomorrow just so I can ride the cart around again. I might as well take advantage of the pain and weight gain and enjoy some of life's little pleasures like getting dirty looks from people who think I'm faking, and saying "BEEP BEEP, excuse me!" Almost running over people who realize I'm not an old lady and that the thing beeps as you back up are priceless. When I'm old, it won't be nearly so much fun. Then I'll be grouchy about all the obstacles they have for old people. This boot isn't so bad after all. It gives me bragging rights. No one suspects that I stepped on a little rock. The rock gets bigger every time I tell it. The earth nearly swallows me and people say, "You must have really jacked up your ankle bad. They don't give the boot for nothing, you know." I just smile, put my foot up, and say, "Hopefully I won't have to wear it too much longer." What a lie.

My foot in the cart at Target--look, I'm buying a scooter!