Nobody to Love

"Do you need anybody? I just need someone to love." the Beatles, All You Need is Love

I went to a friends Halloween Party. He is a wonderful guy. He's very sensitive, artsy and creative. He's also very social and has many friends. I was shocked when after a few drinks and jello shots that his tongue was loosened to express disappointment over his single status.


Savvy: Woo hoo! Dressed like a pimp so you can show off your abs, hey?
Darren: That's right, rock solid.
Savvy: Yes, me too...underneath this marshmellow exterioir, I've got abs of steel.
Darren: I can't even get a date at church.
Savvy: What??
Darren: I try to tell the girls I'm not ugly.
Savvy: It's true, you're not that ugly.
I'm joking, people. He's really photogenic.

Darren: I'm creative, I can cook, I'm multi-talented, and a great kisser, too. Can't get a date at church.
Savvy: Are you serious?
Darren: Look what I do to get these rock hard abs.

He walked over to the stereo and turned on some music.
Darren: this is my ab workout music. Look.

I whisper to another girl.
Savvy: Is he serious?? He's a great guy. How can it be that someone who I hear so many good things about can't find someone?
Girl: We'll just have to help him find someone.
Savvy: I'll be on the lookout. He's really sweet. He showed up the help a girl move, he showed up to help another girl get her place ready for a party. I just don't get it.
Darren: Watch me!

He does even more difficult moves for his abs. We cheer him on.

The thing is, last time I tried to encourage someone to consider dating someone the question was, What about you, Savvy? You're single. Yes, it's true, I am. But the guy has to be interested in me. No one from church has asked me just yet. I guess we're all waiting for someone where the feeling is mutual.

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Sex Degrees of Separation

I've been saying this for years. And now there is an article saying that people should be aware that when they sleep with someone, they are in effect, sleeping with everyone that person has slept with. I first heard this concept at, of all places, my church youth group.

The best prevention is abstinence or severely limiting the number of sexual partners one has. In other words, God's design of sexual intimacy being enjoyed in marriage and for procreation is still the best design. Solving the "problem" of procreation with the Pill, leaves us with STIs/STDs in higher numbers than in the past. And now they are more deadly (HIV/AIDS). Please note that I said sex is meant to be enjoyed. I know that it would be difficult for me to enjoy it any other way than in marriage. That's why I'm waiting.



LONDON - THE average British man or woman has slept with 2.8 million people - albeit indirectly, according to figures released Wednesday to promote awareness of sexual health.

A British pharmacy chain has launched an online calculator which helps you work out how many partners you have had, in the sense of exposure to risk of sexually transmitted diseases (STIs).

The 'Sex Degrees of Separation' ready reckoner tots up the numbers based on your number of partners, then their previous partners, and their former lovers, and so on for six 'generations' of partners.

The average British man claims to have actually slept with nine people, while women put the figure at 6.3, giving an average of 7.65.

'When we sleep with someone, we are, in effect, not only sleeping with them, but also their previous partners and their partners' previous partners, and so on,' said Ms Clare Kerr, head of sexual health at Lloydspharmacy.

'It's important that people understand how exposed they are to STIs and take appropriate precautions including using condoms and getting themselves checked out where appropriate.' -- AFP

http://www.straitstimes.com/Breaking+News/Lifestyle/Story/STIStory_433439.html

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Cowboy UP!!

Sometimes even what seems like the tallest tale is true. I went country line dancing for fun on Saturday and dragged my friend Nikki with me for the meetup group. In case you haven't been in awhile, it's changed a bit over time. There are line dances for Men In Black and some rap group teaches line dances with their songs--71 North Boyz. Around midnight it's cowboys and girls dancing ghetto freestyle. I go for the lessons, a little exercise and to hang out with meetup people. And yes, I met a real life Cowboy with a beer in one hand and a thumb splint on the other.

Savvy: Oh, no! Look at that!
I pouted and pointed at his thumb splint. He pouted back.
Savvy: How did you get that boo-boo?
Cowboy: Long story.
Savvy: I hope it gets better soon.
I kiss his hand. He smiles.
Cowboy: Aw, thank you, little lady.

Savvy: Well, I know how it is to have injuries. I'm gonna call you Boo-boo.
Cowboy: I hurt my shoulder recently. Had to have surgery.
Savvy: Me too.
I show him the scars on my shoulder.
Savvy: They've gotten way better. It's amazing what they can do arthroscopically nowadays.
Cowboy: I got a ton of injuries. Heck I've been stabbed, shot at, thrown off a bull...
Savvy: Wow! Are you serious?
Cowboy: Yes. I used to support my kids ridin' bulls. That's a cowboy. People ask me if I dance and I say, "No, ma'am." Seriously, we don't sit by the fire at the end of the day and dance this sh*t. Bunch of fags out there. Real cowboys don't dance.
Savvy: Well, then, you're a real cowboy, so what do you care? You don't have to prove anything to anyone.
Cowboy: That's right. If I weren't so fat now, I would still be ridin.
Savvy: You don't look fat to me. But I can see that you might be too big to ride bulls. I guess you have to be light. I'd be too scared to get hurt.
Cowboy: Yeah, I've been playing minor league football, so I've gotten really big.
Savvy: Yes, yes you have.
This is so interesting that I miss the line dances I know to hear more stories. The funny thing is that this isn't very flirtatious, I don't think a date or a kiss is on anyone's mind. I start poking at his shirt while we're watching the guys do the birthday dance. Boo-boo smiled.
Cowboy: What are you doing?
Savvy: Well, Boo-boo, I want to see the scars from when you were stabbed and shot and I was trying to find them.
Cowboy: Alright, fine. I'll show you.
He sets down his beer and untucks his shirt. Nikki's jaw drops. He pulls it up and shows me. It's hard to see in the light. He has the most amazing six pack ever, a few tattoos and the scars are impressive, too. This is fun.

Savvy: Wow.
Cowboy: I was shot when I was in a gang.
Savvy: You were in a gang?
Cowboy: Yes. That's how I got stabbed, too.
Savvy: Wow. Rodeo, football, gangs...what else do you do?
Cowboy: I'm a steel worker. That's how I hurt my hand. Almost cut off my thumb.
Savvy: Seriously? Steel worker?
Cowboy: Yep, I got the pictures from when I went to the ER.
He searches his phone to find them. It's pretty gory. I almost asked him to send me a copy. Should I have studied medicine? I'm fascinated.
Savvy: Awesome.

His friend comes by to collect him for a short time.
Nikki: Darn, where's our boy toy?
Savvy: He's not a toy, he's a man. Though, he is very entertaining.
Nikki: Do you even believe him?
Savvy: I don't know. Some of my stories must sound pretty wild to some people. I was a professional opera singer, schoolteacher, head injury salsa dancing, shoulder surgery...after awhile it sounds like blah, blah, BLAH, right?
Nikki: Meanwhile, we're missing all the line dances.
Savvy: It's OK, I'm terrified someone's going to hit my head on the dance floor.
Nikki: Really?
Savvy: Terrified. I know, not normal, huh?
Nikki: He's coming back.
Savvy: Awesome...hey, Boo-boo. We missed you. Tell us more.

Cowboy: I got plenty more, sorry I had to leave. My friend feels guilty because the injury is kind of his fault. He was in the middle of breaking up with this girl and he left me working on something by myself and that's when it happened. I've been working for him managing the company.
Savvy: So you help manage the company for him, too? That's a big change from rodeo.
Cowboy: My friend always asks me why I tell girls all of this stuff, since half of them think I'm lyin. If they don't believe me, shoot, they can always look me up on the internet.
Savvy: Well, I believe you, but now you have me curious about looking you up. I love rodeos.
Cowboy: Well, OK, I'm on YouTube.
He tells me how to find him. Nikki doesn't have much to say, but she looks amused.
Savvy: Alright Boo-boo, it was really great fun.
Cowboy: You are the sweetest thing.
I give him another get well kiss to his hand. He gives both me and Nikki a hug.

Nikki: I'm still trying to figure out how you got him to lift up his shirt.
Savvy: Oh, I don't know, I guess I can get people to do things sometimes because I'm sooooooo SWEEEEET. After all, I got you to come all the way up here for me.
Nikki: Yes, it's true.
Savvy: I hope you had fun.
Nikki: Boo-boo made it all worthwhile.

Look him up, I did. Sho 'nuff, he was being totally honest. I think it might be a lesson to me to take a man at his word--whatever that word might be. Listen long enough and you can tell. I have heard men sit across the table and confess that they were actually still married but hoping to be free really soon.

I really did want to see videos of my new friend getting thrown off a bull. There were no football pictures at his team's website, sadly. No, I won't post my secret cowboy's videos, after all, it's an anonymous blog. But, here's wishing Boo-boo a big Cowboy Up for his hand. He really ought to be more careful out there!

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Another Night of Insanity

I am convinced that out of all the screenwriters out there who say they are working on a screenplay that 75% of them are insane. And don't get too mad at me because I haven't had a date in a few months and would never do this again.

Screen: I just left my job to work on screenwriting full time.
Savvy: Have you ever worked on a screenplay before?
Screen: No, this is my first one.
Savvy: Really? That is so coooool.

A year ago after 2 glasses of wine, a glass of champagne and just having barely survived an awful school year, it all made perfect sense.

And then the next time I saw him, I ended up getting together with that atrocious guy who pulled my hair. Boys, Boys, Boys: Boys at the Roller Rink

FADE IN: one year later...

When I saw this ghost from the past at Betty's birthday shindig, I tripped on Becky Sue's boyfriend's toes and was hugged by everyone at that table. I even greeted Pops though I'm still mad at him. He gave me a guilty look for things he said last time. And then I finally made my way over to Screen.

Savvy: So, are you still working on that screenplay?
Screen: Yes, actually I am.
Savvy: So, I meant to ask you what it was about.
Screen: It's about this guy who is going about his life and he realizes everyone is sleeping their way through it and he can see through everything at once.
Savvy: I want to hear more about it, but I need something to drink first. I'm trying to decide between the Belgian or the Half Moon.
Screen: I'm not much of a beer drinker.
Savvy: Oh, no worries.

I paid for my own beer. Usually a man uses this as an opportunity to show interest. I didn't write that rule, it just exists. I shrugged it off.

Savvy: I really want to hear more about this screenplay, so let's go outside.
Screen: It really is too loud.
Savvy: So how far along are you in that?
Screen: Well, I had a 1000 pages and then I worked it down to about 400.
Savvy: 400?
A successful screenwriter wrote a book which recommends only 110 pages. It's called, Save the Cat.

Screen: I moved to Tahoe so that really has helped me.
Savvy: Tahoe?
Screen: Yes, my doctor said I needed less stress in my life, so I decided to move.
Savvy: Doctor?
Screen: Well, yes, I have glaucoma and I'm on disability.
Savvy: Me too. I had shoulder surgery and it's taking forever to heal.

I showed him my scars.
Screen: Wow, that's from shoulder surgery? It doesn't look like much.
Savvy: Arthroscopic. It's taking longer to heal on the inside. So, tell me, have you read any books about screenwriting?
Screen: A book? What would I need that for?
Savvy: I read one called "Save the Cat" that gave me ways to structure the story and points to hit within it.
Screen: Why would I need that? I know movies.
Savvy: Um, oh, OK.

And that's the trouble with most people who are writing anything, there are things that everyone thinks they already know. Good luck. But somehow after one beer, this all made perfect sense, as did going to the beach to have a glass of wine.

Savvy: So, I'm just curious. What happened that night? I remember having a good time and then all of a sudden that was it
Screen: Do you want to know the truth?
Savvy: Well, yes. I mean, I remember some really nice kisses in there.
Screen: Yes, me too.
Savvy: So what happened?
Screen: You started acting flirty with another guy.
Savvy: Another guy? That was my friend. We're all friends.
Screen: Some guys would stay anyway, but it was a real turnoff to me.
Savvy: Why didn't you say anything?
Screen: I started seeing someone else after that.

What really happened? It was a combination of things. He started acting weird and angry. An acquaintance told me later that Screen asked her out that same night, but she had seen him with me so she told him no. Hmmm...sounds like someone else was flirting and misinterpreting.

Savvy: I was tipsy that night. I can barely remember what happened.
Screen: Well that's what happened.
Savvy: So what happened with the woman you were seeing?
Screen: I told her I was leaving for Tahoe and after a year of being together, the best she could do when I asked her to give me a reason to stay was tell me the weather was really nice.
Savvy: If you had been my boyfriend for a year I would have told you I needed you to stay.
Screen: Wow.
Savvy: So how about we make a deal and I don't talk to anyone else tonight but you.
Screen: Deal. It's been a really nice surprise running into you again.
Savvy: Awesome.
Screen: Do you want to go to the Angels game with me tomorrow?
Savvy: OK, sure.
Screen: How about we take a walk on the beach? I have a bottle of wine.
Savvy: It's really late.
Screen: It's not far...

Somehow that led to a blanket, more kissing than I intended to do and feeling bad about it. He wanted to cuddle with me and though I relented for awhile, all I could think of was Seattle and that there was more for me in Seattle than in Tahoe. I tried thinking that it was Seattle holding me, but it wasn't working. Besides, Seattle and I are only friends.

Savvy: Wow, it's really getting late and I have to get home.
Screen: Just a few more minutes.
Savvy: Um, OK....
Silence for awhile. I got up
Savvy: I really can't. Don't you have to get a hotel room?
Screen: I was just going to sleep in my car, or maybe go to Denny's for the night. I don't get a check for another few days.
Savvy: Um, oh.
Screen: Come to Tahoe.
Savvy: Um, I don't know.

Overnight I started to put it together. He told me he just turned 50. He left work, not so much to write a screenplay, but because he has other health issues. He didn't have the money for a hotel room for himself. I so don't want to go back to living like a Bohemian. Plus, he lives in Tahoe and I would got there to... to what? Seattle is already bad enough. How do I explain why I want to ditch an Angels game with this guy to go to church instead? How do I explain that I don't want to see him again because I don't think he is marriage material. Decision time...my phone was ringing.

Savvy: Hey what's up? How are you?
Screen: I just woke up.
Savvy: So where did you sleep?
Screen: By the beach, in my car.
Savvy: Um, really?

So, in addition to everything else I had been pondering, he would expect me to sit next to him at an Angels game, sweating profusely in the hot sun, getting a sunburn while noticing that he reeked distinctly of goat from not having showered? I don't ###ing think so.

Savvy: Listen, I feel really bad about this, but a girlfriend of mine asked me to go to church with her and have lunch after, so I'm not gonna make it.
Screen: So you waited until an hour before we're supposed to be there to flake on me?
Savvy: I'm sorry. I just got out of the shower.
Screen: Let me get this straight. You're flaking on me?
Savvy: I forgot about the other plans.
Screen: An hour before we're supposed to be there?
Savvy: You asked me at the last minute.
Screen: But the whole point of us talking about it was so that you would come.
Savvy: I know and I feel really bad. You're probably going to be too angry with me to talk to me later.

And I would be so OK with that. I felt guilty. How would I explain? I need to go to church because I'm a bad person and I want to try and live better and I just don't see how going to an Angels game with some guy I made out with last night when I was imagining someone else is going to make me feel any better.

I told my mom about canceling as I left to go to church.
Savvy: He got mad at me for canceling, but I just didn't want to sit through the game.
MyMom: Anger is a bad sign.
Savvy: And he lives in Tahoe anyway. I would go there to what?
MyMom: You better not.
Savvy: I know, it's just that I felt really bad.
MyMom: Why? It's not like it hasn't been done to you plenty of times.

Moms have such a way of making things feel better--and she didn't even know the whole story. Maybe the whole story doesn't really matter.

For those who say I should have been completely honest: I really did want to go to church. And please tell me if there is a NICE way of telling someone that you don't see a future with them because you don't see them wanting to get married and have a family with their present financial and health situation, don't want to visit him in Tahoe and don't want to have sex with him on those visits.

Canceling sent a clear enough message: Yep, I'd rather go to church than go to an Angels game with you even if it means you never talk to me again--in fact, I hope you don't. Clear. Crystal clear.

Note: this happened two months ago at time of posting. What else is clear to me is that people DO NOT DESERVE SECOND CHANCES!
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Wired on Vacation

A vacation used to mean getting away from it all. But somehow, it really isn't anymore. We bring our wires with us whereever we go so that we are never truly where we are. After all, I'm writing this to you from Palm Springs on my netbook.

We all used to get so angry with our uncle who had to be conscious of where the payphone was because he had to make a phone call for a business deal. Now there are cell phones for that. And we have to bring cell phone chargers. We all have to step away from the family so that we can take or make a phone call.

A computer used to be too big to take with you, and laptops were too expensive. Now I can type from my $300 netbook while sitting at the hotel which has internet service throughout the area for no extra charge. This time my dad even brought a printer with him for a week's stay in the desert. A printer? Even that's going a bit too far for me.

We don't just listen to the crickets, talk and have a nice dinner on the porch. We don't play cards or games or talk. We have to have the computer, cell phone, television and camera there. Because it's not how much fun you had, it's how much fun you can make it look like on Facebook later...

And yes, I'm guilty, too.

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So Long, Seattle...

A new rom com, Love Actually is set in Seattle. I went to B&N and picked up a book called Table Manners thinking it would be about that. It turned out to be a novel set in Seattle. I got another nice email from Seattle, but it was missing a key element...

Hi Savvy,

Glad to hear you're recovering ok from your near-accident. I've had more than a few close calls in LA and even a few since I moved up here. Sounds like you're being patient and open to God's lead on your next career move. Hopefully an opportunity will come along that has your name on it.

No major travel in October so if you come up then I'm sure we could set up a get-together. I definitely encourage you to go on the LA retreat. I went for the first time last year and it was really great. You get to know a lot of people and they always have a phenomenal speaker. One aspect on that retreat that I'm sure you'd get a lot out of, given all the transition you've been going through, is a session with a spiritual adviser.

I've been doing okay up here. I feel like things are finally coming together, my move is done, and I'm working on getting my routine back together.

Take care,
Seattle

-------------------------------------------
Did you catch it??
-------------------------------------------

Hello Seattle,

Okay is not phenomenal or great, but getting into a routine is probably key. People do drive thoughtlessly, so you are lucky to have avoided anything.

When I was thinking of coming up to visit, I was hoping I would stay with either you or your sis getting the inside story about what's cool about Seattle. It's sort of a big trip and I'm not as brave as I once was. The other option would be trying to find someone to go with me, which may or may not work out.

I do plan to go to the retreat. I try to forget what I have been through, but I recognize it's alot--especially when someone says that. Getting hit in the head while salsa dancing was no fun and am working on my "big comeback".

Thanks for the encouragement.
Savvy
----------------------------------------

A get-together?

No word back and its been two weeks now. Times are hard and the friend who said she would go up there may not have the funds, though I haven't asked directly. I'm sad because I had hopes that there would be something, but an offer of "a get-together" with me on my own the rest of the time was not what I had in mind--even if we are just friends. I know a guy who flew to Russia just to have a date with a girl (and be on another continent than his ex.) I can't help but wonder...average in LA might be considered gorgeous in Seattle and there might be other really nice guys up there.

I guess it's time to move on yet again. I wish it weren't. He's a really nice guy. I'm so tired of being disappointed.

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How to Gain Weight, 10 Fun and Easy Steps

It's time to celebrate what I'm really good at!! If there's one thing I've been good at on and off throughout the years, it's been gaining weight. This is dedicated to all those people who say they try to gain weight and just can't. It's time to turn that attitude around! YES YOU CAN!!


1. Hookup with Ben & Jerry's. Make them you best friends and meet with them EVERY NIGHT. In fact, have a pint of Ben & Jerry's as a meal replacement.

2. Exercise is good for you, even when you want to gain. Studies show that people don't lose when they exercise because they feel they can eat more since they are exercising. So, go to the gym, just make sure you meet up with Ben & Jerry after.

3. Take prescription meds like Prozac. Anti-depressants and other psychotropic medications are known to cause weight gain because they stimulate appetite.

4. Drink soda, not water. Thirsty? Have a soda. Tired? Have some pop.

5. Get the large latte with heavy cream. Everyone knows that coffee drinks are loaded with hidden calories.

6. Have a muffin or a bagel with that coffee. Bagels are like 5 servings of bread. Muffins are loaded with oil--cupcakes are less fattening.

7. Super-size everything. You heard me! In fact, do this for lunch every day. Don't forget to order the regular coke!



8. Take the elevator, not the stairs. Avoid exercise when you can, even though it's OK to exercise.

9. If you don't have an injury, pretend to have one. A sprained ankle, messed up knee, out of whack shoulder. Stop doing those things which you now take for granted because of that injury, even though it isn't real. If you do have an injury, this is very easy to accomplish.

10. Remember, the most weight gain comes from eating just a little bit more than you need. If you eat 100 calories extra per day, it works out to 10 lbs at the end of the year. Just do the math:

100 calories per day
x30 days per month
x12 months in a year
--------------------
36,000 calories
/3500 calories in 1 pound of fat
--------------------
10 lbs.


Don't expect it to happen overnight. Be patient. Soon everyone will be telling you how great you look. Ready, set, GO EAT!!

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It's You? What the Fuck?

I was trying to call someone I had met about singing with his band for a guest spot. The drummer is a former classmate.

Paul: I was just returning your phone call.
Savvy: Oh, awesome. Did you listen to my message?
Paul: No, but that's OK. What's going on?
Savvy: I thought we could meet up and talk about stuff.
Paul: Sure thing.
Savvy: I'm trying to think of a place to meet, where you can bring your guitar.
Paul: If you want me to bring my guitar, then you've got the wrong guy.
Savvy: This is Paul, right?

How do I get into these situations?
Paul: Yes.
Savvy: Ummm...So how do we know each other if you aren't in the band?
Paul: I'm not sure, but let's just go out anyway.
Savvy: I don't know. Are you a nice guy?
Paul: I'm a very nice guy. I have alot to offer the right girl.
Savvy: What do you see us doing?
Paul: I just got a new car last night--a white convertible BMW. We can go for a drive on Mulholland, we can go to Santa Monica; anything you want to do.
Savvy: I'm just trying to figure out when we met.
Paul: Well, we must have exchanged phone numbers at one time so there must have been some attraction.
Savvy: Can you send me a picture of yourself? I still just don't remember you. What do you look like?
Paul: I'm about 5'10", handsome, I work out at the gym every day so I'm really muscular. How about you?
Savvy: Short, cute, green eyes, curly blond hair, more to love right now.
Paul: Sounds familiar. How about I give you a call tomorrow and we figure something out.
Savvy: OK, You'll send me a picture then.
Paul: Yes.
Savvy: What's your last name?

He told me and I ran it through my head for two days. I thought about it at stoplights. I thought about it and wondered if this was going to be something great. I wondered if I should really do this when I really wanted to be with Seattle and he hadn't left yet--but Seattle hadn't asked me for my time. Paul called me again.

Paul: I'm guessing you're in your 20s from you voice.
Savvy: Oh just so you know...I'm 40 and I weigh 400 lbs.
Paul: 30s?
Savvy: nooooo....I'm 50 and I weigh 300 lbs, but you gave me your phone number anyways.
Paul: You're really funny.
Savvy: Funny looking, too. Nothing can stop love, though.
Paul: Well, we must have found each other attractive at one time.
Savvy: Yep, so why worry. Except that I lied, I really weigh 350.

Later, like an electric shock, I gasped. It hit me who he was. The day I met him, I stuck up a conversation with him:
Savvy: Hey, I really like your shirt.
Paul: Thanks.
Savvy: Let's have a seat and talk.
Paul: Sure.
Savvy: So, tell me about yourself and that cool shirt of yours.
Paul: You seem really cool, but I'm thinking I should ask out that girl over there because she's totally hot.
Savvy: Oh, she's totally hot?
Paul: Yeah, just look at her.
Savvy: Oh, you mean Michelle who has a boyfriend?
Paul: I'll ask her anyway.
Savvy: Um, hey, excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom.

I didn't go back. I tried to be gracious to him and got an earful about some other girl. I can guarantee you he didn't walk out with ANYONE'S number. But I am an eternal optimist. Maybe he was having a bad night.

He then canceled our impending date via text.

Paul: Let's reschedule. I'm wiped out.
Savvy: I drove all the way out here for you. Would coffee help?
Paul: I'm taking a nap.

Riiight. A nap on a Friday night. I hate last minute cancellations...that's how I ended up going out with Trainer at the last minute. He also tried texting and calling several times during the evening when I was out with Trainer as if would actually go out with someone who had already inconvenienced me for the evening. As if I would even pick up! I thought to cancel the whole thing, but I like to see things to fruition. I called him and we decided to meet in a town near both of us.

Savvy: I remembered who you are, by the way.
Paul: So where did we meet.
Savvy: It was a year ago.
Paul: That's a long time.
Savvy: Yep and that's all I'm going to tell you because I want it to be a surprise.
Paul: I'm on my way. I have to take a shower first.
Savvy: Ummm...OK I guess.
Paul: Oh yeah, I have a peg leg and a hook arm...and a huge stye.

I rolled my eyes, it was too late for that.
He was two hours late. It was annoying.

I wore dark sunglasses, red lipstick and a scarf to keep my hair from blowing all over the place.

Paul: I'm here. Can you peek out?
Savvy: No. You have to come all the way around.
Paul: Come on, the game is going to be up in about 60 seconds.
Savvy: Then you have to wait 60 more seconds and park.
Paul: Can you see me?
Savvy: Yes, just a second.

I walked out side with a smile. He looked at me with a flattened affect. His expression didn't change.

Paul: It's you? What the fuck?
Savvy: Wow, what a sweet thing to say.
Paul: Why didn't you just tell me it was you?
Savvy: I don't know I thought it would be a fun surprise. So are we going somewhere?
Paul: Yes, the earth is rotating on its axis and around the sun, we're going somewhere.
Savvy: I meant in the car. You talked about going on Mulhulland and showing off your new car.
I moved a banana peel that he had placed on the brand new white leather seats. What idiot does that?

Paul: Did I? We should all wear a scarf for our hair.
Savvy: I don't want it to get messed up.
Paul: What are you doing out here? Isn't it far from where you live?
Savvy: Um, well, not really. I go shopping here when I need things.
Paul: Oh.
Savvy: So have you heard anything from that girl you were seeing?
Paul: No and I hope I never do. What was I thinking? She just turned 39 and is gonna be 40 next year. What an old hag. I went out with a girl last night who is 22. She's a stripper.
Savvy: Last night huh?
Paul: Yeah. What did you do?
Savvy: I had a date.
Paul: Did you send me the same text message twice. It was exactly the same wording.
Savvy: Yes. I was busy.
Paul: It looked like the same message, exactly. Did you have fun?
Savvy: It was OK.
Paul: Do you ever talk to the other Paul?
Savvy: Well, I sorta stopped talking to him because he wanted to use my out of state phone number to get out of a contract by saying he had moved. I didn't feel comfortable.
Paul: Let me show you what happened when I call. I always get this message.
Savvy: Well he did say that he might actually move. I guess he did.

Dude, let it go.

I was out with friends and a guy I met started talking about a really nice friend of his who had his heart broken by some girl. He put me on the phone with him because that girl was there with us. We talked and exchanged numbers. He said he thought I was really nice. Then I figured out he was the guy in the red shirt. Why did I make another excuse when I remembered who he was? He wasn't having an off DAY, he is just socially off. Creepy. Someone had to step in and tell him to stop calling that 39 year old. I remember listening to him obsesses about her, hearing every gory detail about what a tease she was sleeping in her thong and how little he slept that night he stayed over.


Paul: I just feel like calling her and asking her why she changed her mind.
Savvy: Don't do it. Keep not calling her.
Paul: Keep not calling her. I like that.
It was like it was the first time he ever heard of the concept.

Returning to the present, we neared where we had left, I was ready to say goodbye.
Paul: You know you can call me anytime.
Savvy: Thanks. And have fun going out with your stripper.
Paul: I don't know, it's alot of drama with them.
Savvy: OK, then don't. See ya. Have fun with the car.
Paul: I would say that the game was a draw.
Savvy: I wouldn't.


I think I am like an Edward Gory Gashlycrumb Tiny.

Find me along with
J is for James who took lye by mistake.
S is for Savvy who went out with a rake..um, OK, not deadly.
Just very uncomfortable.

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Why He Didn't Call You Back

What are the chances of a phone call after a first date? I told a guy friend that we can never expect the same feelings about people as in our early twenties when we were so open to the world and everything in it. We were unencumbered, relatively unsophisticated, hopeful and had a great deal more time for hanging out with friends--especially if we were in school full time bankrolled by our parents. From my perspective guys seem disappointed by not having those feelings and that's part of:

Why He Didn't Call You Back: 1,000 Guys Reveal What They Really Thought About You After Your Date by Rachel Greenwald (a matchmaker):

The New Dating World
So how easy is it to have a successful first date? Unfortunately, it's not easy at all. During the past ten years, I've observed a shocking trend from my vantage point in the dating business: there are more failed first dates than ever before. If the upsurge in the dating industry is any proof, people are going on more and more first dates. But these connections aren't working because the number of single people is at an all-time high. It's important to understand this current landscape, especially if you're newly single after a long relationship. The new dating world reflects three major challenges: the fallout from online dating, more sophisticated singles, and easier-to-obtain sex.

The question for most singles is no longer if they are dating online, but how many sites they are using. Singles typically have dating profiles on two or three sites now. And they're open for romantic connections through their social networking sites too( e.g., facebook, MySpace...even blogs.)

Dating from a blog?? Lordy no! I don't even have a real picture of me.

This does not address the other issues at had.
1. You didn't want him to call because you didn't like him.
2. You didn't return his phone call.
3. You didn't mind either way if he called and certainly not enough to pick up the phone yourself.

In any case, just tell people when they ask... It's not me it's you. And you, and you, and you, and you, and you...


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Sexy Table Manners

Is it just me being picky or do people have really horrible table manners these days? Sometimes I have looked across at a person when they did things and said to myself, You have GOT to be kidding me!!! Why would someone choose to have such obviously horrible table manners when good table manners are sooooo sexy!!

Recently, I watched a 5 year old pulled cheese off of his pizza. He toyed with his long string, rolling it around his little fingers while he chewed away merrily. I was laughing as his mom said, Stop that. Don't play with your food. But she was amused too. He's knitting cheese, I said. Keep in mind that cute at 5 is not cute at 35.

I sat across from a guy who slurped his spaghetti, had grime under his nails and was thinking that I was super into him. What?? Must be something about an extra rush of oxygen to his brain from the slurping. Not cute!!



A college roommate who invited me out to dinner with her boyfriend--just the three of us! She didn't like him that much and I felt embarrassed that she used me as a shield. I was even more embarrassed as I watched her cut up her steak. She held part of it with her hand, tugging as she sawed away with her knife. Then she ate it with her fingers. Gross. Why was this guy still dating her?

I was faced with dodging a goodnight kiss after a date with a guy. It was easier to tell him that I was never really attracted to him than to tell him the complete truth. Yes, I wasn't attracted to him anymore, but it was a matter of degrees. Was it the curve in his back, telling me too much information and his penchant for complaining? Nay! The veritable straw had already broken the camel's back at dinner, everything else was dessert when too full with far too much icing made with rancid butter. He used his hands to eat when he could have used a fork. He shifted chunks of meat around in his taco salad with his whole hand. There were two good points: The date ended and at least he knew how to use a napkin.

I have had the pleasure of being seated across from a few guys who didn't realize that there is a proper way to hold a fork or a spoon. You hold it like a pencil--not a baseball bat! It was like eating with a 5 year old. I don't expect a small child to be able to eat properly because their motor skills are still developing, but I do expect that much from a grown man or woman!

This behavior should come with a warning label--don't do this at home or you might do this in a restaurant in front of someone you really like. A guy I dated actually thinks I don't want to date him anymore because he's an atheist and I am Christian. Um, well, that's part of it, but the other part is that he has rotten table manners. My cousin, finally couldn't take it anymore with one guy she had been dating for a year. She said, I can push, push, push with my knife, knife, knife. She finally push, push, pushed him out of her life, life, life and found someone who treats her like a queen and has good table manners.

I thought I could forgive some bad habits when I went out with a guy who I was really attracted to. I mean, we were eating finger food on our first date. He licked his fingers. Middle finger, index finger, thumb. He only did it once. I tried really hard to ignore it when we had sushi on our second date. Middle finger, index finger, thumb. Then I noticed he REALLY looked at each finger as he did this because he did it twice. But, gosh we had such intense chemistry! Surely I could work with this. Someday I would tell him. He didn't do it the next time I ate with him. That was good. But then when he had a burger and fries...yep, you guessed it. He looked intensely at his hand. Middle finger, index finger, thumb. Lick, lick, lick. Gross, gross, gross!! Get a napkin! Colin Cowie did a social experiment on some people and licked his fingers at dinner. The whole table assumed that if Colin Cowie did it that it must be OK, and soon they were all doing it. He later said, It is never OK to lick your fingers at the table. Maybe it's a slight dose of obsessive-compulsive disorder with that guy. We broke up for other reasons, but I'm glad I don't have to deal with his bad table manners. That's for mommy to teach, not a girlfriend.

Let's review--
A human licking fingers at the table? Not cute.
A gecko licking his fingers at the table? That's very cute.


As far as I'm concerned, I shouldn't have to sign up for a lifetime of watching some guy chew with his mouth open. Yep, I've seen that, too! Unfortunately, I was on a date! It was combined with slurping, putting his elbows on the table and licking his fingers. I was so horrified that I excused myself to go to the bathroom. I was lightly banging my head against the bathroom stall asking myself and God, How do I get home without holding his hand or kissing him?

I shouldn't have to watch someone lick their fingers, eat with their hands when it's not finger food, slurp spaghetti, talk with a mouth full of food, cut food up into tiny pieces like a mommy does for her 5 year old, etc. I shouldn't have to say anything to anyone, either. People don't do that on TV because it looks gross! So please don't do it in real life!

Mothers--Please teach your children good table manners so someone doesn't sit across from your kid someday and think Are you freaking serious??? I told that to the lady with the 5 year old. She started laughing again!!

I've written about some of these guys before. I'm so embarrassed for them that I've even left out their online psydonyms!!! I'm sure men have experienced equal horrors at the table with women. I would love to hear about it.

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Unattainable Beauty Standards

Women have often complained about the unattainable beauty standards of today. When there is a 10 out there, who would settle? Why should we even look at a guy who doesn't have washboard abs? What girl sitting next to you in church under fluorescent lights would measure up? Even the celebs don't measure up without the lighting and makeup at photo shoots, onscreen and on the red carpet. With all of those things, even the homely girl sitting next to you at church would look like a treasure. What makes me angry is that men and women alike are being misled by something we can never attain!
More photos
Scar Jo looking average. What can I say for myself? It's 107 and smoky from the fires in LA. Shouldn't be going to the gym.

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Savvy's "Problems with Relationships"

After my migraine lifted enough to restore personality (Thank you Motrin!), I told relationship stories to girls while we waited backstage to sing in the Beethoven 9th Symphony (Ode to Joy). They were cracking up the whole time. What's even funnier, is talking to some instrumentalist/band teacher/Catholic guy who gave me a very warm hello. It turned out he is on his third marriage which is ALSO having problems. He scratched his chin and said, I think I should set you up with a friend of mine...though I would have to find out if he's on the market. Oh? Is that the way guys on their 3rd marriage ask a girl for her phone number? Like a band teacher/instrumentalist's salary can really support 3 ex wives, a child and a 4th wife? What is this, Big Love? No thanks! And NO "problems." It's just that simple.
(end)

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Sister Savvy Posts It All

A video about nuns sent by my aunt:


Led to another:



And another:


I *still* feel no calling.

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Love 200 years ago Jane Austen Style

Ah, love! Somehow the rumor has been that all marriages 200 years ago, nay just a scant 50 years ago were the most vile arrangements imaginable. They couldn't possibly work out or result in actual love. Inconceivable! In our modern fiction, we see echos, reflections and exaggerations of ourselves. Jane Austen's quaint works of fiction offered just such a reflection. It wasn't always pretty and certainly there were obstacles to perfect felicity. I have just read her earliest novel, Northanger Abbey and present to you some notes of interest for both men and women.

Rakish Behavior:
The heroine--a minister's daughter, Catherine, speaks to her love interest, Henry. She was staying with his family, getting to know all of them. She speaks of her former friend, Isabella Thorpe who was engaged to her brother, James, and dropped him for Henry's brother, Captain Frederick Tilney:

'I see what she has been about. She is a vain coquette and her tricks have not been answered. I do not believe she ever had any regard either for James or for me, and I wish I had never known her.'
'It will soon be as if you never had,' said Henry.
'There is but one thing I cannot understand. I see that she has had designs on Captain Tilney, which have not succeeded; but I do not understand what Captain Tilney has been about all this time. Why should he pay her such attentions as to make her quarrel with my brother, and then fly off himself?'
'I have very little to say for Frederick's motives, such as I believe them to have been. He has vanities as well as Miss Thorpe, and the chief difference is, that, having a stronger head, they have not yet injured himself. If the effect of his behavior does not justify him with you, then we better not seek after the cause.'
'Then you will suppose he never cared about her?'
'I am persuaded that he never did.'
'And made only so for mischief's sake?'
Henry bowed his assent.
'Well, then, I must say that I do not like him at all. Though as it turned out so well for us, I do not like him at all. As it happens, there is no great harm done, because I do not think Isabella has any heart to lose, But suppose he had made her fall very much in love with him?'
'But we must first suppose Isabella to have any heart to lose - consequently to have been a very different creature; and, in that case, she would have met with a very different treatment.'
'It is very right that you should stand by your brother.'
'And if you would stand by yours, you would not be much distressed by the disappointment of Miss Thorpe. But your mind is warped by an innate general principal of integrity, and therefore not accessible to cool reasonings of family partiality, or a desire for revenge.'
Catherine was complimented out of further bitterness. Frederick could not be unpardonably guilty, while Henry made himself so agreeable. She resolved on not answering Isabella's letter, and tried to think no more of it.

Alphas and Betas
In our modern terms, Catherine stood by her Beta men in her own Beta way. "Alphas" were shown for what they were and exposed as vain pretenders very quickly. I'm sure they were quite entertaining at parties, but those with any sense kept their distance. And even "Alpha" ladies with poor judgment were typically kept in check. However, both characters were shown to be equally vain. Nowadays, it's hard to tell who is who and often all ladies and all men are lumped together by both sexes and treated with ill regard.

Gold Diggers?
Catherine is sent away from the Tilney family without being given a reason. We later discover that reason: Isabella's brother, wanting Catherine for himself and being an unlikeable braggadocio, bragged about how much money Catherine's family had to General Tilney. Then later said how little. Somehow this was attributed to Catherine. But Henry knew Catherine to be of good character, offered her his hand in marriage and convinced his father of the truth. So yes, there were issues of dowry (the money a family presented to a man for the care of their daughter), but there were also issues of character. It turns out that Catherine had a good character and a generous dowry, though not an excellent one. Dowry, what a scary word! But that's how families helped each other out.

Courtship and Marriage.
Huge Courtship? Nay friends, nay. None at all. Walks in the country, a carriage ride perhaps. His sister or father were present the whole time as if it were perfectly natural and normal. Huge wedding? Nay again. In fact, it was hardly mentioned. 'Henry and Catherine were married; the bells rang and everyone smiled.'

The Age for Marriage:
The heroine was 18 and married the hero aged 26; 8 years difference. No one batted an eye over this and accused men of taking too long. Men did what men did and that was considered to be OK.

Savvy Advice:
Men, if you are ever talking to a woman who says she loves Jane Austen's novels, that is code for you to look more closely at that girl. Jane Austen's heroines are of good character or learn it quickly. The rakish men are held responsible for behaving badly and being the exception rather than the rule. Good men are shown to be good and desirable for marriage. And, yes, to be sure, no man would ever dress that way for fear of being labeled "gay", but I assure you they were manly fashions in their day and that real men did go to tea--to meet the ladies, of course! As for me, I always observe what a man says about his family and how he treats his sister. I know that most of the time, he will treat me about that well. And lastly, everyone did attend church on Sunday. Though the Bible was not quoted, in every Jane Austen story the fruit of a character
s spirit showed who they really were--as it is in real life.

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Is-shoes--Should I keep the Prada?

Savvy breaks for frivolity, she has Is-shoes. Buy me! I understand shoes in all the languages they speak. Spanish: Comprame! Italian: Compratemi. I bought some lovely Prada shoes at a deep discount and am now faced with some options.

I normally take a 36.5 or a 37 in European sizes. These are a 36. I'm certain I would have taken a 37 in this design. There is no other pair like it before or since. $199 down from $600. They go with anything and are beautiful!!! Maybe they'll stretch...

I also bought a pair of pink metallic sandals, also Prada. The size is right. A bargain at $109.90 down from $330. It's just that I feel guilty--


Because I bought a Ferragamo bag at $498 down from $1400. I'm totally keeping it. I got it for practically a knockoff price without the knockoff guilt. The pinks don't quite match so I'm faced with a choice.

Do I really need all of this crap? Ummm, no.
Why did I get this crap? It's complicated. I would much rather have Seattle in my life. I was so distraught over his departure that the handbag was, in a word, irresistible.
Can I return this crap? Yes, I can still return the Prada. In fact that amount would easily purchase a trip to Seattle...Though that is fraught with emotional dangers.

Turns out I showed them to someone who works at Nordstom and they thought something else looks better on me. Done. They go back.

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F R U S T R A T E D

I am frustrated. Not just any old frustrated, life altering frustrated. Outrageously angsty. F R U S T R A T E D. I narrowly dodged an accident and still ended up with whiplash. This gave me some serious feeling of panic because it's my 3rd whiplash injury in 3 years, and other complications. I'm finally off anti depressants and I feel different. In some ways better. In some ways concerned. I am finally losing weight because I am off of it, but I'm frustrated that I gained 30 lbs though I have lost 6 of it. There was some to lose before the 30 I started talking about. It takes time...

I need a new hobby. I'm totally out of shape. Seriously, going to the gym is one of the loneliest things you can do. Maybe I really do need to find a hobby though I scoffed at it before. Salsa dancing, swing dancing...those are out. Though the only ones I can think of are solitary ones--going to the gym, reading, even blogging. All solitary.

I just reconnected with my very first best friend, not solitary. We ran around Old Town having lunch, eating cupcakes, having a drink with a friend of hers, running around to different places that have organic gardens and grilling a squash that she grew. There is a great ease of being with someone who accepts you no matter what. .

I want to go up to Seattle. I'm afraid I've shared too much and felt too much for someone I barely met before leaving. Being kind of in this new weird mood, I doubt myself. As I wrote this this, they discussed the "Seattle Amnesia Mystery Man." How strange. As I wrote him an email, Seattle appeared on TV.

I have a deposition and mediation coming up for an accident I was involved in, the memories of which give me the heebie jeebies. I got whacked in the head while salsa dancing at an ex friend's house. In truth, I've been a bit off ever since. And that goes back to the beginning of the post.

There is a place in my heart where only God can exist and designer shoes and purses cannot fill that void--believe me, I've tried.

This month I will finally pay my bills off. Yeah! It's the silver lining in all the clouds.

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The Important Stuff from Seattle

Hi Savvy,

Glad things are going well for you at the church and the volunteer work is going well.

I've been getting involved in X Church a bit more. I found their young adult group and they seem like nice people. It's pretty good size. Looking at a couple of other churches too.

Take care, keep up the good work, and get involved where you feel led.
Seattle

-----------------------------------------------
This came at a time when I was in tears over not having heard from him in a week and a half. I went out dancing with friends and had several men approach me and be interested in me. The whole time I was thinking about him. When I arrived home, I checked my email. There was more to it, but this was the most important to me. I want to be with a man who speaks to me the way he does. It is so rare. It draws me like a bee to a flower. I just wish I knew if he were interested beyond that.

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Sex for the First Time

SEX... What does it mean in a relationship? Why don't people seem willing to talk about it? I've had some seriously bad advice from alot of people about "reeling" a guy in by having sex on a third date if you feel a connection. Right... I've had a hard time finding someone I feel that connected to. On Oprah, two teens were grilled about sex and whether or not they had talked about things like frequency, condom use, birth control, how long of a relationship they expect to have after, what they would share with their friends and whether or not they would still want to have sex knowing the answer..

One guy told me he thought it would be fun. Fun? That's it? Then he got angry with me about our BS high school relationship. I don't have to have sex to have fun. Tall wanted to be with me because he thought I was really cute. Really cute? I don't have to have sex to know that I'm "really cute." When my ex, Chris, started talking to me about it, alot of things came up that made me not want to be intimate with him, even though I was away from the Lord. Mainly, he wasn't a long-term relationship guy. I realized that we weren't even close to marriage. Secondly, he told me he had herpes--which you can get even with a condom. I'm not going to risk that much just to keep a man for a short term thing.

Most people don't talk about it, they just make the moves. Maybe because the truth hurts, This relationship might be just for tonight, because I haven't done it in a long time, not that you are really special, it's not like you haven't done it before, it's not like all girls aren't on birth control, right?--and if you don't do it right there definitely won't be another time.

The sexual revolution was supposed to bring freedom from rules.
So why do I feel like the rule is that I have to by the 3rd date?
How many guys will that be before I find someone?
No seriously, how many? 20? 40?
Why am I getting this pressure even from guys who call themselves Christians?
3 dates? 3? Are you joking?
Would any reasonable person go into business with someone that soon?

Having fun and being really cute aren't good enough reasons for me to have sex. It has a higher purpose than that.

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I entered a contest

I entered a contest with some of my funnier stories from dating and living life. Drop on by and check it out. Enter yourself if you are a writer. Malady--you have some great ones!!

I entered:
But I'm Not Pregnant where I give the ER staff a lesson on the Birds and the Bees.

Visit: A Woman's World
This link skips the animations and goes straight to the stories..

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Happy Feet

One of the key problems with high heels is that they put so much pressure on the forefoot. Some high end designers understand how to balance the shoe so it has height and supports the natural arch. However, many attractive shoes very quickly become too uncomfortable to wear. When I was dancing alot, the standard was 2-3 inch heels. Even though mine were only 2.25 inches, I still had foot pain. My forefoot pain dramatically and noticeably diminished when I placed Insolia inserts in my shoes. I pronounce them totally worth a shot. You can find them in drug stores (maybe) or you can order them online directly from Insolia.com.

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